Funny historical quotes

I cannot tell a lie, I did eat that cherry. – George Washington

Give me liberty or give me a really good sandwich. – Patrick Henry

I have a dream that one day all horses will be required to wear pants. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Four score and seven beers ago… – Abraham Lincoln (revised)

Dress for the job you want, not the powdered wig you have. – Benjamin Franklin

I may be small, but I have a big bill to pay. – Alexander Hamilton

I came, I saw, I asked for directions. – Julius Caesar

I did not have text with that woman, Cleopatra. – Bill Clinton (historically questionable)

It’s not the size of your empire, it’s how you use it. – Napoleon Bonaparte

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee… and avoid crossing the Rubicon. – Muhammad Ali (historically questionable)

A penny saved is a penny spent on tea and crumpets. – Queen Elizabeth I

I have a dream that one day all men will be able to marry their pet goats. – Gandhi (definitely not historically accurate)

I may not know much about history, but I know where I put my keys. – Albert Einstein

I have come to chew bubblegum and free the colonies… and I’m all out of bubblegum. – Thomas Jefferson

I see dead people… in history books. – Sixth Sense (historical version)

Give me liberty, or at least give me a good discount. – Rosa Parks (shopping spree edition)

I have a dream that my four little score and seven years will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their buttons, but by the content of their powdered wigs. – Martin Luther King Jr. (opera version)

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country… like bring me a sandwich. – John F. Kennedy

I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry… and also for all those beheadings. – Henry VIII

We have nothing to fear but fear itself… and those creepy Puritans. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

I have a dream that one day, all horses will be required to wear top hats. – Martin Luther King Jr. (revised edition)

Happiness is a warm cannon… and some really good cheese. – Charles Dickens

I may be a small country, but I have a lot of clogs to fill. – Netherlands

I did not have technological relations with that woman, Cleopatra. – Bill Gates (historically questionable)

I have a dream that one day all men will be able to grow fabulous mustaches. – Martin Luther King Jr. (Movember version)

I came, I saw, I bought a souvenir t-shirt. – Julius Caesar (tourist edition)

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our powdered wigs. – J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter/ historical mashup)

A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a llama. – Richard III (mixing up history edition)

Give me liberty, or give me a dance-off! – Patrick Henry (fresh twist edition)

I may be the Queen, but I still need my afternoon tea. – Queen Elizabeth II

A penny saved is a penny spent on powdered wigs. – Benjamin Franklin (fashionista edition)

I have a dream that one day all men will be able to grow mullets without judgment. – Martin Luther King Jr. (business in the front, party in the back version)

I may not know art, but I know what I like… and it’s powdered wigs. – Pablo Picasso

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee… and wear a powdered wig for good measure. – Muhammad Ali (historically questionable)

I did not have technological relations with that woman, Marie Antoinette. – Bill Gates (historically questionable)

It’s not how big your army is, it’s how you use your powdered wig. – Sun Tzu

I came, I saw, I took a selfie. – Julius Caesar (modernized edition)

Dress for the revolution you want, not the powdered wig you have. – Che Guevara (historical fashionista edition)

I have a dream that one day all men will be able to wear unicorn onesies without judgment. – Martin Luther King Jr. (slumber party version)

I may be small, but I have big plans for powdered wig fashion. – Napoleon Bonaparte (no fashion faux pas allowed)

A penny saved is a penny spent on powdered wig conditioner. – Queen Elizabeth I (hair care edition)

I have a dream that one day all men will be able to wear fanny packs without judgment. – Martin Luther King Jr. (fashion accessory edition)

I may not know much about history, but I know a good sale when I see one. – Albert Einstein

I have come to chew bubblegum and free the colonies… and I’m all out of bubblegum, but I brought powdered wigs! – Thomas Jefferson (party version)

I see dead people… in history museums. – Sixth Sense (historical tour edition)