When life gives you lemons, make sure to throw them back and demand chocolate.
I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!
I can’t clean your room for you, but I can definitely nag you about it!
I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.
Your face is going to freeze like that if you keep making those silly faces.
I’m not yelling, I’m just expressing my enthusiastic mom voice.
Don’t make me come up there!
I’m not sleeping; I’m just resting my eyes.
Close the door, you’re letting all the bugs in!
Remember, I know everything. I’m a mom.
If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all. Or just wait until you’re home with me.
I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.
Go ask your father. I’m busy being fabulous.
If you can’t find it, then it’s gone forever.
The floor is not your personal storage space.
I don’t have a favorite child, but I do have a least favorite sock.
Money doesn’t grow on trees, but if it did, I would have my own money forest.
Mom’s taxi service is always open.
I’m not a short order cook; you eat what I make or you eat nothing.
Did you brush your teeth? Show me your pearly whites!
Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
If you don’t like what I made for dinner, the kitchen is open!
I’m not just any mom, I’m the queen mom.
Do you think I’m made of money? No, I’m made of love and sarcasm.
I’m not yelling; I’m projecting my voice to the entire neighborhood.
The house looks like a tornado hit it. Oh, wait, that was just you getting ready for school.
I’m not a referee; I’m a mom. But if you need someone to break up a fight, I’m your gal.
I’m not a short-order cook; I’m your personal chef!
I swear it’s like living with a bunch of little tornadoes!
You are my sunshine, except when you wake up before me.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it’s hilarious!
I love you to the moon and back, but sometimes I’m tempted to send you there.
If you’re happy and you know it, go clean your room!
Mom’s hugs are like duct tape — they fix everything.
Stop acting like your father. We already have one of him.
I brought snacks, but be warned, they’re mine and I don’t like to share.
I’m not sleeping; I’m just practicing my horizontal meditation.
Don’t make me count to three. I can never remember what comes after that.
I’m not a chef, but you can call me Gordon RamsMom when I cook dinner.
I’m not lazy; I just value my horizontal time.
Don’t worry about what others think. They’re not paying your bills!
Did you brush your hair with a meat grinder?
The roots of the family tree are filled with nuts.
I’m not yelling, I’m just using my outside voice.
Did you know that mom spelled backwards is wow? Just saying!