Best Dilbert Quotes

I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.

The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.

Change is good. You go first.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

I’m not lazy, I’m motivationally challenged.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

You know that feeling when you’ve done something so stupid that you are ashamed of yourself? That’s how I feel about everything.

I’m a goat that likes to eat lectures.

The less you know, the more you think you know, because you don’t know you don’t know.

Nothing motivates me more than a terrible boss.

I’m not really overweight, I’m just calling in rich.

The best way to predict the future is to create it.

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.

The secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

A good boss is like a diaper – always on your ass and usually full of shit.

Efficiency is not always about doing more, but about doing less with a maximum amount of annoyance.

It’s not the size of the budget, it’s the size of the blame.

Statistics reveal that the more you work, the less likely you are to be promoted.

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.

On the path to success, there is always a shortcut that leads straight to failure.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden deceleration at the end.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

In the end, everything becomes a memory, even on my computer.

The easiest way to make money is to avoid paying it in the first place.

To succeed in corporate America, you need to have a scowl and wear glasses.

The art of management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them.

People who never make mistakes usually don’t make much of anything else either.

The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance.

Don’t worry, if I disagree with you, it only means you’re wrong.

There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

The most effective way to do it is to do it.

When in doubt, use brute force.

The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.

The only thing worse than doing nothing is doing something you don’t understand.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

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