Andy Bernard quotes

I’m always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter…that makes stairs.

I don’t lose stuff. I place things in locations which later elude me.

I’ve been waging wars against worms my whole life, I’m not afraid of some little animal.

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.

Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.

I’m the king of the conference room, and the office is my kingdom.

You can’t have quality without quantity.

I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.

You know, babies are FALSE advertising.

I’m predicting I’ll have a lot of meaningless sex in the upcoming months.

Break me off a piece of that fancy feast.

This is not a dog and pony show.

Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason.

I’m always thinking. Even when I’m not thinking, I’m thinking.

I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve already left them.

I’m like Superman, but without the superpowers or the motivation.

My parents used to call me ‘Buzz’ because I’m always flying around the office.

Age is just a number, and jail is just a room.

I’m not even known in real life; you don’t even understand. In virtual reality it’s a whole different story.

I grew up on a beet farm, and Dwight Schrute is basically my best friend, so I know a thing or two about tasteless weddings.

I’m the regional director in charge of not being ignored.

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

I’m always working, even when I appear to be doing nothing at all.

I may be a lot of things, but at least I’m not boring.

Sometimes it takes a fire to make a friendship stronger.

In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me, and I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.

I have a little secret, and the secret is that I’m always excited.

I’m like a sponge. I soak up knowledge until I’m juicy with wisdom.

I’m the DNA of the office. Everything I do, everything I say contributes to the overall awesomeness.

I have a lot of anger towards bottles.

I enjoy a good joke. And an occasional well-crafted, non-offensive punchline.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz. Oh, what a relief it is to be here.

I’m like an eagle-eyed shark on the prowl, always watching and waiting for the perfect opportunity.

I have the mental agility of a chess grandmaster, and the appetite of a trash compactor.

I don’t need followers on social media; I need disciples.

I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I always get it done.

I’m like a puppy. Puppies are kind of like flies, right?

I’m collecting all the sugar I can find for a top-secret project. Don’t ask questions, just trust me.

I’m Andy Bernard, and I approve this message.

I’m not easily impressed, but when I am, it’s usually by myself.

I don’t believe in failure. Just new and improved ways of not succeeding.

I’m overwhelmingly underwhelmed. Let’s do something about that.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze them into a Powerade and sell it as a limited edition flavor.

I may be small and insignificant, but I have a big heart and an even bigger personality.