Man vs Woman Funny Quotes

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Men are like bank accounts – without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.

Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close, they’re connected. When they move further, they start looking for new equipment.

If a man says something in the forest and there is no woman around to hear it, is he still wrong?

Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men hoping they will change. In the end, both are disappointed.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.

Women are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships.

When a woman says ‘what?’, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Men are like roses, watch out for all the pricks.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.

Women desire six things in life: they want their husband to be brave; wise; rich; and generous; followed by their desire for better women – instead of a foolish lover.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

Women’s logic: one mustn’t attempt to possess a man but one mustn’t let him lose himself.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.

I like my women like I like my coffee. In a plastic cup.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.

Men are like roses; watch out for all the pricks.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Women speak two languages – one of which is verbal.

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

Marriage is like a workshop. The husband works and the wife shops.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Behind every successful man, there is a surprised woman.

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

Women! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. And that’s the original quote.

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

Connections mean nothing if there is no spark.

Boyfriends come and go, but girlfriends are real trouble.

A smart man knows that he can’t say everything that he thinks.

Loneliness is not an excuse, it is the reason.

A real man ignores his feelings for the greater good.

With men, there’s no crying in baseball. With women, there’s no crying at all.

You can make a fool out of a woman, but you can’t make her see it.

Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out.

When a woman says ‘nothing’ is wrong, that means EVERYTHING is wrong.

Never trust a man who names his genitals. That’s always a red flag.

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