Funny Weight Loss Quotes

The only thing I’m losing faster than weight is the ability to button my pants!

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

I’ve decided to join the gym. Just kidding, I joined Netflix instead.

I’d lose weight, but I don’t want to get on a first-name basis with salads.

My weight loss plan is to make all my friends too slow to catch me.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

I’m not overweight. I’m just undertall.

Dieting is my favorite hobby. Just kidding, that would require giving up chocolate.

I’ve tried every diet in the book, but apparently, the book is a cookbook.

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.

My workout routine consists of lifting my fork and putting it back down.

The only time I’m on a diet is when I’m waiting for the pizza to arrive.

My love for food is like a roller coaster ride; it has its ups and downs.

I’m not overweight. I’m just a gravitational force.

I’m not fat, I’m just easy to spot in a crowd.

I started a new diet where I only eat in my sleep. I call it the sleep-eat diet.

I thought about exercising, but then I just ate a snack until the thought went away.

Life is too short for boring diets. Pass me the ice cream.

I gained weight because I love food, not because I’m lazy. Eating is my cardio.

My diet is like a bank account. I tend to cheat my way to the next cheat day.

Forget the scales; the real measurement of success is how well you can hide your double chin.

I’m not chubby; I’m a nutritionally challenged individual.

I tried to be good, then I got hungry.

I’ve decided to date a fridge. It has more space for my food.

I tried a low-carb diet, but my body was like, ‘What do you mean, no pasta?’

I’m not overweight; I’m just so freakin’ sexy that it overflows.

I only run when the last slice of pizza is about to be taken.

I’m not on a diet. I’m on a nacho cleanse.

I don’t shut up about food because pizza never judges me.

I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere.

I’m not fat; I’m just so full of awesome that it’s oozing out.

The closest I’ve come to a diet is deleting food pics from my phone.

I like long romantic walks to the fridge.

I’m not overweight; I’m just easy to see.

Exercise? Sure, I thought you said extra fries.

Can we just skip the salad and go straight to dessert?

I’m not gaining weight; I’m storing energy for my future success.

A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. Totally worth it.

I’m not on a diet; I’m just enjoying a long-term relationship with pasta.

I’ve been dieting for 3 days, and I’m already mad at everything.

I’m not fat; I’m just an undercover superhero hiding my muscles.

I’m not fat; I’m just too delicious to resist.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

I don’t count calories; I count blessings while eating pizza.