Funny Military Quotes

In the army, they say the secret to survival is to always keep a sense of humor – even when it’s bulletproof.

The military: where griping and complaining are considered team-building exercises.

Soldiers never die, they just go to a higher duty station.

In the military, we don’t just have rank, we have attitude.

In the army, we know how to take orders – and then promptly ignore them.

When in doubt, make sure your uniform is perfectly pressed and your boots are shining. It won’t save your life, but you’ll look damn good doing it.

In the military, we don’t march to the beat of a drum, we march to the sound of bacon sizzling.

Not all heroes wear capes, some wear camouflage.

Some people dream of success, while others wake up at 4 am and go running in the rain.

Join the military – where sleeping is a luxury, eating is an art, and complaining is a way of life.

In the military, we don’t believe in superheroes. We believe in teams.

War is unpredictable, so is my dancing. You can never be too prepared for either.

My uniform might be khaki, but my sense of humor is camo.

They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, in the military, we have enough medicine to start a pharmacy.

There are two types of soldiers: those who enjoy early morning runs, and those who enjoy complaining about early morning runs.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left – with the last slice of pizza.

In the military, we have a saying: Never underestimate the power of a well-placed nerf dart.

They say there’s strength in numbers. That’s why I always carry a calculator.

In the military, we follow the three Ds: Discipline, Determination, and Data connection (for all essential Netflix streaming).

War is hell, but at least it has good dental.

I may not be the fastest runner, but give me a full pack of MREs to carry, and I’ll make it to the finish line.

In the military, a good leader knows how to command his troops – and what time Taco Tuesday starts.

Some people run on coffee, but in the military, we run on pure determination and questionable dorm room snacks.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword. I say the remote control is mightier than both.

Join the military – where we solve problems with duct tape, cold pizza, and a little bit of creative swearing.

I don’t always go to the gym, but when I do, I make sure to take six naps and eat three snacks.

In the military, we don’t just train to fight. We train to make civilians question their life choices.

Life is short, but the line at the mess hall is even shorter.

In the military, we don’t sweat, we just glisten – profusely.

The military: where 5 minutes early is on time, and on time is punishable by push-ups.

War isn’t funny, but laughter is what keeps us sane amidst the chaos.

In the military, we have a simple rule: if something is broken, hit it with a bigger hammer.

They say laughter is contagious. That’s why we’re all laughing at the person who volunteered for night guard duty.

Join the military – where we can turn the most mundane of tasks into a full-blown adventure.

In the military, our gym doesn’t have mirrors. Because after a brutal workout, no one wants to see what they look like.

War is tough, but if you can handle assembling a bunk bed in the dark without instructions, you can handle anything.

In the military, we don’t have bad days. We have character-building exercises.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. In the military, a PowerPoint presentation is worth a thousand push-ups.

Join the military – where we put the ‘fun’ in ‘multi-fun-ctional tactical gear’.

In the military, we don’t just fight for our country, we fight for the last slice of cake in the mess hall.

War is serious, but a well-timed fart in the middle of a mission can break the tension like nothing else.

In the military, we don’t run away from danger – we run towards the nearest coffee machine.

They say war changes a person. Well, it changed me into a coffee-addicted, sleeping-deprived, but strangely fulfilled individual.

Join the military – where we don’t just wear our hearts on our sleeves, we wear them on our embroidered morale patches.

In the military, we don’t just carry weapons, we carry the weight of responsibility and the snacks for our squad.