Funny Jewish Sayings – A Collection of Wit and Humor

Jewish diets: eat, complain, repeat.

Shlepping: the Jewish sport of carrying too many things at once.

If you have nothing nice to say, say it in Yiddish.

Shalom, y’all! Southern Jews do it with twang.

Jewish moms: the original helicopter parents.

Why do Jewish dogs have bar mitzvahs? Because they’re matzahballs.

Jewish lightning: what happens when a Jewish mother sees her daughter’s new tattoo.

Jewish wisdom: never put your faith in a man who can’t eat a bagel without lox.

Yiddish is the language of love… and guilt.

Jewish geography: the art of finding a connection to everyone you meet.

Jewish diets: eat like your metabolism is just a distant memory.

Jewish yoga: Oy vey, I can’t bend this way!

If you want to know where the good food is, follow the Jewish people.

Jewish superpower: making guilt-trips invisible to others.

Jewish grandmothers: the unsung heroes of the world.

Jewish weddings: come for the Hora, stay for the gefilte fish.

Jewish humor: the only thing sharper than a bagel.

Jewish dads: the masters of the pull my finger joke.

Bubbies know everything, but don’t worry, they’ll remind you.

Why did the Jewish chicken cross the road? To kvetch on the other side.

Canadian Jews say sorry, eh instead of oy vey.

Jewish diets: the only time you’ll see someone eating a bialy while wearing yoga pants.

Jewish lightning: what happens when you drop a dreidel into a power outlet.

Keep calm and schlep on.

Jewish motto: In matzah we crust.

Jewish yoga: downward mensch pose.

What do Jewish zombies say? Brainless, brainless!

Jewish diets: eat until you’re a walking latke.

Yiddish dictionary: the only app that can help you survive a guilt trip.

Jewish grandmothers: the reason chicken soup is known as Jewish penicillin.

Why was the bagel sitting in the corner? Because it had a schmear campaign against lox.

Jewish mama bears: don’t mess with their cubs or they’ll pull out the guilt guns.

The best kind of kugel is the kind made by someone else’s bubbe.

Jewish diets: where everything in moderation means have a second slice of babka.

Why do Jewish people excel in comedy? Because they’ve been dealing with life’s punchlines for centuries.

Don’t kvetch, just kibitz.

Jewish superpower: turning leftovers into a gourmet meal.

Jewish diets: take one bite, gain two pounds.

If you want to get out of doing something, just say you have a Jewish guilt appointment.

Jewish wisdom: if you can’t say something nice, say something in Yiddish.

Jewish yoga: warrior pose… and then a nap.

Jewish diets: eat, pray, complain about the carbs.

Hamentaschen are the original sweet triangles.

Jewish grandmothers: where love and matzah ball soup collide.

Jewish diets: because dessert is its own food group.

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