My daily goal is to make it to the end of the day without accidentally setting anything on fire.
Some days, it’s a miracle I remembered to put pants on.
I may not be able to control everything that happens in my day, but I can control my level of sarcasm.
Being an adult is just realizing that every day is Groundhog Day, but with fewer funny moments and more bills.
Flexibility is the key to survival. That’s why I bend over backward to avoid extra work.
I survived another day of meetings that could have been an email.
Who needs caffeine when you have an inbox full of unanswered emails?
At the end of the day, all one needs is a good laugh and a tall glass of wine…or three.
I’ve discovered the secret to time travel it’s called ‘taking a break at work.’
My superhero power is being able to sit in front of a computer for hours without actually doing any work.
I know it’s been a long day when wine o’clock keeps getting earlier and earlier.
Sometimes I wonder if my job is a test to see how much absurdity a person can tolerate.
If at first, you don’t succeed, call it a day and try again tomorrow.
I may be a professional procrastinator, but I always manage to get everything done just in time. Sometimes.
The only way to survive a Monday is with copious amounts of coffee and a sense of humor.
Life feels like a comedy show, but I’m still waiting for the punchline.
I have a love/hate relationship with mornings I love to hate them.
I don’t always have a snack at the end of the day, but when I do, it’s a family-size bag of chips.
I thought I was a morning person until I realized mornings happen before coffee.
Who needs a gym membership when you can spend all day avoiding work?
The secret to productivity: take frequent naps.
I may not have it all together, but at least my sense of humor is intact.
I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep, but I’m pretty sure it was in the ’90s.
I aspire to be a morning person, but I’m more of a ‘three snooze alarms and a caffeine IV’ kind of person.
My favorite part of the day is when I can finally take off my pants and put on sweatpants.
Adulting is just pretending to know what you’re doing while secretly Googling everything.
I’m not fully dressed until I’ve spilled coffee all over myself.
I like my coffee like I like my mornings dark, bitter, and full of regret.
My idea of multitasking is managing to eat lunch while scrolling through social media.
At the end of the day, laughter is the best therapy, followed closely by pizza.
I’ve learned that the best way to survive a long day is by imagining how great my couch will feel when I finally collapse onto it.
Some days I’m amazed at how much I can accomplish when I’m supposed to be working.
The best way to get through a tough day is to picture yourself on a tropical beach, sipping a cocktail, and not checking your work email.
I can tell it’s been a long day when my reflection in the mirror looks just as exhausted as I feel.
I used to have goals, but now I have a Netflix subscription and that seems like enough.
Life is like a box of chocolates unsatisfying and full of regrets at the end of the day.
I’m on a strict diet it’s called ‘I only eat the office snacks at the end of the day.’
At the end of the day, I like to remind myself that tomorrow is another day to make the same mistakes all over again.
I don’t always lose my train of thought, but when I do, it’s usually right before a meeting.
I may not have found the meaning of life, but I have mastered the art of finding the nearest coffee shop.
I thought I was winning at life until I realized that life is actually a never-ending game of ‘catch up.’
Every day I make a to-do list, and every day I ignore it in favor of browsing the internet.
If procrastination were an Olympic sport, I’d have a gold medal by now.
The only thing that gets me through the day is knowing I have a four-day weekend in two months.
I may not have all the answers, but I can make up ridiculous excuses like a pro.
Be First to Comment