Best Twitter Quotes

Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me, I’ll laugh at you!

Sometimes the best therapy is a long drive and a playlist of your favorite songs.

Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.

Dear sleep, I’m sorry I broke up with you in my teenage years, can we get back together?

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

If life gives you lemons, sell them and buy a pizza.

You can’t make everyone happy, you’re not pizza.

I don’t sweat, I sparkle.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.

Relationship status: Netflix and pizza, please.

I don’t need a WiFi signal, I need a vacation signal.

Confidence level: Kanye West at an awards show.

I came, I saw, I made it awkward.

If sarcasm burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.

I’m not a morning person. I’m hardly an afternoon person. I’m definitely not an evening person. Basically, I’m not a person.

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy pizza, and that’s kind of the same thing.

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht and a trip to the Bahamas, which is pretty damn close.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m not a shopaholic, I’m just helping the economy.

The best things in life are free: hugs, laughter, and wifi.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Friday: The golden child of the weekdays.

Those who throw chocolate don’t have any.

The best way to predict your future is to create it.

If you were looking for a sign, here it is: Live, laugh, love… or at least pretend to for a while.

Fearless is not the absence of fear. Fearless is living with your fears.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Every time I think I’m just one step away from success, I find the escalator.

In a world full of ordinary people, be extraordinary.

The only thing that stands between me and success is a bunch of laziness… and a few dozen snacks.

Keep your face towards the sun and you will never see the shadows.

Life is too short to wear boring socks.

Be the kind of person your dog thinks you are.

It’s not a party until someone brings out the snacks.

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

I’ve never met a problem that chocolate couldn’t solve.

Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

When life gives you lemons, add vodka.

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.

Some days you just have to create your own sunshine.

The best is yet to come.

You are never fully dressed without a smile.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.

Life is like a camera, focus on the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, take another shot.

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