Stupid quotes

I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. – Benjamin Franklin

If there’s a will, there’s a relative. – Unknown

I’m sorry, if my opinion mattered, I would have asked for it. – Unknown

Why be difficult when, with a little effort, you can be impossible? – Unknown

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode. – Unknown

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you. – Unknown

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be asking people why they’re giving me free dollars. – Unknown

I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me. – Ray Bradbury

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. – Unknown

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. – Unknown

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. – Miles Kington

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. – Demetri Martin

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. – Al McGuire

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard

I told you I was sick. – Spike Milligan (as his epitaph)

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. – Don Marquis

How do I feel about being 70? There’s nothing different for me. I don’t feel 70. I feel like I did when I was

– Sophia Loren

I’m sure mosquitoes are attracted to me because I’m so sweet. – Unknown

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. – Unknown

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? – Robin Williams

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. – Oscar Wilde

I put so much more effort into naming my Wi-Fi network than my child. – Unknown

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. – Unknown

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. – Unknown

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barry

The best way to predict the future is to create it. – Peter Drucker

Please keep me away from wisdom, it tends to make me feel old and feeble-minded. – Unknown

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Laurence J. Peter

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright

I’m not lazy. I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me with a brick. – Unknown

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy, I’d probably hire someone to spend it for me. – Unknown

I’m allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm. – Unknown

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. – Mae West

Just because I’m sleeping, doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about food. – Unknown

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. – Terry Pratchett

I’m not clumsy. It’s just that the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. – Unknown

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. – Unknown

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. – Unknown

A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory. – Mark Twain

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out. – Unknown

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

You can’t have everything, where would you put it? – Steven Wright