Statler and Waldorf Quotes

Statler: I may be old, but I have better comedic timing than Miss Piggy.

Waldorf: If laughter is the best medicine, then the Muppets should be considered the world’s top doctors.

Statler: Fozzie Bear’s jokes are so bad, even the puppets groan.

Waldorf: Kermit the Frog may be green, but Miss Piggy is the true diva of the Muppet world.

Statler: I tried laughter yoga once, but it didn’t work. I guess I’m immune to Fozzie’s jokes.

Waldorf: If the Muppets were a band, Kermit would be the conductor and Miss Piggy would be the lead singer.

Statler: How did Fozzie Bear become a comedian? Someone must have had a sense of humor failure.

Waldorf: I would pay good money to see Fozzie Bear perform on America’s Got Talent. Just to see Simon Cowell’s face.

Statler: Miss Piggy must be a magician because she makes Kermit’s heart disappear every time she kisses him.

Waldorf: The Muppets have a unique talent for making grown adults laugh like children.

Statler: Gonzo may be strange, but he’s got a heart of gold. It’s a shame he can’t find a good insurance policy for his stunts.

Waldorf: It’s a good thing the Muppets aren’t afraid of heights, because they’re always climbing the ladder of success.

Statler: The Muppets should start a comedy club. I would love to see Fozzie Bear with a two-drink minimum.

Waldorf: I bet Miss Piggy has a thousand pairs of shoes. And she still can’t find a comfortable pair to chase after Kermit.

Statler and Waldorf Quotes part 2

Statler: I heard the Muppets are going on a world tour. I hope they can handle the fame and the frequent flyer miles.

Waldorf: Wherever the Muppets go, chaos and laughter follow. It’s like a tornado of joy.

Statler: The Muppets should write a self-help book on how to live your best life. They’ve certainly mastered the art of laughter.

Waldorf: Miss Piggy is a fashion icon. She could teach Anna Wintour a thing or two about style.

Statler: I wonder what goes through Statler’s mind every time he hears one of Fozzie’s jokes. Probably regret.

Waldorf: The Muppets should open a comedy school. They have enough material to last a lifetime.

Statler: I wonder if Miss Piggy borrowed her karate skills from Bruce Lee. She’s certainly a force to be reckoned with.

Waldorf: Fozzie Bear’s jokes are like a rollercoaster. They’re full of ups and downs, but mostly downs.

Statler: The Muppets should enter the Olympics. Miss Piggy would win gold in the diva category.

Waldorf: I wonder if Kermit ever gets tired. He’s always busy juggling Miss Piggy’s demands and the chaos of the Muppet Show.

Statler: Comedy is like a fine wine. The Muppets just happen to be the most hilariously aged vintage.

Waldorf: I heard Animal started a punk rock band. It’s called ‘Anarchy and Drums’.

Statler: Miss Piggy should join the CIA. She’s a master of undercover operations… mostly to catch Kermit.

Waldorf: Fozzie Bear’s banjo skills are impressive. He can play a comedy tune even when nobody’s laughing.

Statler: I wonder if Statler and Waldorf could handle a Muppet-themed amusement park. We’d need a crowd control team for all the laughter.

Waldorf: The Muppets are proof that you don’t need a fancy budget to create hilarious entertainment.

Statler: Statler and Waldorf should open their own comedy club. We’ll call it ‘The Hecklers’ Den’.

Waldorf: I heard Miss Piggy is starring in a new action movie. It’s called ‘Punching and Lipstick’.

Statler: If laughter is contagious, then the Muppets are super-spreaders of joy.

Waldorf: I wonder if Fozzie Bear ever thought of switching careers. He could make a killing as a sleep therapist.

Statler: Miss Piggy should open a fashion line. She’s got a fierce sense of style that makes even the chickens jealous.

Waldorf: I wonder what advice Waldorf and Statler would give to their younger selves. Probably to invest in earplugs for all the laughter ahead.

Statler: Fozzie Bear should write a book on comedy. It would be the shortest book in history.

Waldorf: I heard Miss Piggy wants to run for president. She’d certainly add some flair to the Oval Office.

Statler: Statler and Waldorf’s Guide to Comedy: Rule #1 – Be as grumpy as possible.

Waldorf: If laughter is the best medicine, then the Muppets should be considered the world’s top doctors.

Statler: I wonder if Kermit has ever considered starting a comedy club for frogs. He could call it ‘Ribbit and Laughter’.

Waldorf: Fozzie Bear’s jokes are so bad, even the puppets groan.

Statler: Miss Piggy should open a beauty salon. She certainly knows how to make heads turn.

Waldorf: I wonder if Animal is secretly a Zen master. He’s mastered the art of chaos and calm, all in one furry package.

Statler: The Muppets should start a comedy school. They could call it ‘Muppets University’. They definitely have the experience.