I’m just here for the paycheck.
I prefer not to speak.
Did I ask for your opinion?
I have better things to do than listen to your nonsense.
I’m too old for this crap.
Why do I have to deal with all these idiots?
If you need me, I’ll be napping.
I don’t care about your problems.
I’d rather be golfing.
I have zero interest in this meeting.
Why am I always the one stuck with the boring work?
If you want my attention, bring cake.
I don’t have time for your drama.
I’m not here to make friends.
Work should be optional after 2 pm.
I’m on my own time, not Dunder Mifflin’s.
I have a zero tolerance policy for stupidity.
Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet?
I’ve seen it all, and trust me, it’s not impressive.
I’ve got more important things to worry about than your petty complaints.
Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.
Can’t you see I’m busy not caring?
I’ve perfected the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing.
I survive on sarcasm and pure apathy.
There’s a reason I have a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on my desk.
You can try to break me, but I can’t be bothered to care.
In my world, incompetence is rewarded.
I am the living embodiment of ‘Is it Friday yet?’
I don’t compute emotions, I compute spreadsheets.
I’m just waiting for retirement to finally set me free.
I’m allergic to enthusiasm.
I’ve mastered the art of actively ignoring my coworkers.
I’ve reached my maximum capacity for caring.
I’m like an emotional black hole, I suck the joy out of every room.
I don’t sweat the small stuff, because it’s all small stuff.
If they paid me by the ounce of enthusiasm, I’d be bankrupt.
I take pride in my ability to do the bare minimum.
I’m a master of the eye-roll.
If indifference were a sport, I’d be an Olympic champion.
I have a PhD in not giving a damn.
I don’t need motivation, I need a raise.
Life is too short to waste it on coworkers.
I’d rather be anywhere but here.
I have a black belt in disinterest.
I am the epitome of ‘get in, get out, get paid’.
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