Bless your heart, you’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
Well, bless your little pea-picking heart!
It’s hotter than a jalapeno pepper in a pot of chili down here.
I’m as happy as a pig in mud.
She’s slicker than a minnow in a creek.
He’s as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
He’s as slow as molasses in January.
You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.
I’m fixin’ to head out to the store.
He’s all hat and no cattle.
Well, I’ll be fried green tomatoes!
She’s sweeter than a peach cobbler.
That boy is dumber than a box of rocks.
She’s as busy as a cat burying shit on a marble floor.
I’m about as country as cornbread.
You’re shinier than a butter knife in a biscuit tin.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
She’s dumber than a bag of hammers.
Don’t let your mouth write a check that your ass can’t cash.
She’s as pretty as a magnolia in bloom.
Y’all come back now, ya hear?
He’s saltier than a boiled peanut.
She’s as sharp as a cotton gin blade.
I’m busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
He couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if he was inside it.
Well, butter my biscuit!
She’s got more nerve than a toothache.
He’s grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ sweet taters.
I’m plumb worn out.
She’s crazier than a sprayed roach.
He’s crazier than a pet coon.
That boy don’t have the sense God gave a goose.
I’m happier than a pig in slop.
He’s as sly as a fox in a henhouse.
She’s as sweet as peach pie.
He’s stubborn as a mule.
I’m happier than a tornado in a trailer park.
She’s got more sass than a sweet tea.
He’s as rough around the edges as a country road.
I’m as happy as a clam at high tide.
She’s as pretty as a field of wildflowers.
He’s slicker than a greased pig at the county fair.
I’m as full as a tick on a hound dog.
She’s as cute as a June bug in a jar.
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