Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.
My doctor told me I needed more vitamin ‘D’. I guess he’s talking about ‘D’ as in ‘d***.
The only time I ever get lucky is when I find money in my pocket.
I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question – ‘Yes’ is the answer.
Why did the scarecrow never have sex? Because he was outstanding in his field.
If sex were a game, it would be called Swoosh Ball – everyone’s a winner!
I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
You must do yoga, because you are very flexible…in bed.
Sex is a great exercise… I do it every morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
I’m not a genie, but I can make your wildest dreams come true.
I’m not a mathematician, but I’m really good with numbers. Ask me how many times we can make love in a month.
Roses are red, violets are blue, let’s skip the small talk and go f*** like kangaroos.
If doubles tennis involves four players, then threesome sex involves three players… Just saying.
Are you a campfire? Because you are hot and I want s’more.
Did you just come out of the oven? Because you’re hot and I want to eat you.
My love for you is like pi, it’s endless and irrational.
Sexual Quotes Funny – Adding a Touch of Humor to the Bedroom part 2
Is your dad a baker? Because you have a nice set of buns.
They say ‘love is blind’, but I beg to differ. I’m not blind and I’m in love with you.
I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
I’m not a dentist, but I can guarantee you’ll have a cavity after we kiss.
Did you fall from heaven? Because your booty is out of this world.
Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper.
You must be a magician, because every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cutecumber.
Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.
Are you a Wi-Fi signal? Because I’m feeling a strong connection.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you.
Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest.
If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout.
I may not be a genie, but I can make all your wishes come true… in bed.
Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.
If beauty were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Excuse me, but I think you dropped something: my jaw.
You must be a magician, because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Be First to Comment