I was in the pool!
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
No soup for you!
Serenity now!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
It’s George. I’m Costanza. I’m like a vodka cranberry. I’m good time girls.
You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’
I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!
I have a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!
If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
The sea was angry that day, my friends – like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now, so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite.
Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
I am Queen of the Castle!
I think I’ve reached a point in my life where I can tell the difference between donuts and not donuts.
Women like jokes as much as men do. They just pretend they don’t.
I don’t trust men in capes.
I’m twice the Jerry you’ll ever be!
Seinfeld Quotes part 2
Why should I let society tell me what to do? I should dictate to society.
I’m disturbed. I’m depressed. I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!
It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I’ve made in my entire life has been wrong.
A body suit in the bedroom is like a record with a skip.
You don’t even know what a write-off is!
The jerk store called, they’re running out of you!
If you can’t say something bad about a relationship you shouldn’t say anything at all.
I don’t want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you’re hopeless, you don’t care. And when you don’t care, that indifference makes you attractive.
I can’t go out with a woman who thinks I’m spongeworthy!
To love is to risk everything. That’s the cliche. But it’s true.
Coffee wasn’t strong enough to make us feel like it was morning time.
I’m going to the netherworld with the bubbling lava pits, the molten lava.
I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.
Kramer, you’ve got to get her back. You’ve got to protect her. You’ve got to do something – man, now.
Why don’t you just TELL him you don’t wanna go out with him?!
Sometimes it’s better not to know.
If only there was a way to electroshock her out of her complacency.
You gotta give them the butt. It’s common courtesy.
Pretend like you’re dating me.
Having a doll is the only child experience I ever had.
Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
You realized we’ve been listening to each other’s bellyaching for 15 years?
You know, I have been performing for about 25 years.
You’d better give me the bell. Otherwise, I’m going to smack your face.
It’ll be a cold day in hell before I’m shaving my chest hair!
A wonderful co-worker who’s really a buddy, but could also maybe be a lover?
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