Sarcastic and Hilarious Quotes from Women

Oh, I totally love it when people give me unsolicited advice. It’s the highlight of my day.

Who needs a fairy godmother when you have sarcasm?

My superpower is sarcasm. It’s like a sixth sense, but sassier.

Sure, I’ll get right on that unrealistic expectation you have of me.

If only I could make a living out of correcting people’s grammar. Unfortunately, it doesn’t pay the bills.

I’m sorry, my resting bitch face seems to be giving you the wrong impression.

Can we just skip the small talk and get straight to the part where we become best friends?

I’m not like other girls. I actually enjoy using my brain.

I didn’t choose the sassy life. The sassy life chose me.

I’m not moody. I just have a low tolerance for stupidity.

I don’t have an attitude problem. I have a problem with people who have a problem with my attitude.

I’m not here to please everyone. I’m here to be myself, and if you can’t handle that, then that’s your problem.

Oh, you think you’re funny? Let me laugh harder so you feel better about yourself.

I’m not mean, you’re just a delicate little flower.

I’m not a princess. I’m the queen, and I wear my crown of sarcasm with pride.

Sure, I’ll smile when I feel like it. Until then, deal with my resting snark face.

Some people call it being rude, I call it being brutally honest.

If sarcasm was a superpower, I’d be the superhero saving the world from stupidity.

I’m not shy, I’m just selectively social.

Please insert a coin to continue pretending I care about your opinion.

If you can’t handle my sarcasm, then you probably can’t handle the truth.

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

I’m not a therapist, but I could be. I’ve mastered the art of passive-aggressive listening.

You think I’m sarcastic? That’s cute. Try living with me.

If sarcasm burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

I didn’t choose the sass life, the sass life chose me.

Yes, I speak fluent sarcasm. Unfortunately, not everyone understands my language.

I don’t have a bad attitude. I just have a good appetite for sarcasm.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

You can’t spell sarcastic without ‘sweet’ and ‘cute’. Coincidence? I think not.

I’m not a morning person. I’m not an afternoon person either. Basically, I’m just not a person.

I’m not rude. I’m just honest, and sometimes the truth hurts.

My patience is as thin as a piece of paper, and my sarcasm is as sharp as a knife.

If only sarcasm burned calories, I’d be a size zero.

I’m not a people person. I’m more of a ‘stay away from me unless you have food’ person.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just fluent in witty comebacks.

Yes, I did roll my eyes. No, it doesn’t mean I want to see your brain.

I’m sorry, my apologies must have gotten lost in the mail.

You’d be amazed at how well sarcasm can hide my tears.

I’m fluent in sarcasm, but unfortunately, my patience is lost in translation.

If sarcasm was a sport, I’d have an Olympic gold medal.

I’m not a gossiper. I just like to share valuable information with unintended audiences.

I don’t need your validation. I have my own playlist of sarcastic affirmations.

I don’t believe in horoscopes, but I’d make an exception for sarcastic astrology.

I’m not sarcastic. I just have a higher intelligence that often goes misunderstood.