Rodney Dangerfield’s Memorable Quotes from Caddyshack

I tell ya, I get no respect. Even my golf ball won’t listen to me.

I asked my caddy for some advice, and he said, ‘Don’t play golf.’

I don’t get why they call it a golf ‘club.’ I’ve never seen anyone have a good time at one.

I told my caddy I needed a miracle shot, and he handed me a bible.

I hit my ball into the water hazard and asked my caddy if he could swim. He said, ‘Not with all that cash in my pockets!’

My swing is so bad, the geese on the course actually laugh at me.

I told my caddy I wanted to play like Tiger Woods, and he told me to start dating a bunch of models.

I was teeing off and a squirrel ran across the fairway. I still haven’t forgiven him for stealing my ball.

I asked my caddy if he believed in ghosts. He said, ‘Only after watching you play golf.’

My golf game is so bad, my caddy started giving me handicap parking stickers.

I try to be positive on the golf course, but my best shots still end up being ‘Fore!’ warnings.

I asked my caddy if he thought I had a chance at winning the tournament. He said, ‘Well, there’s always gambling.’

I told my caddy I wanted to hit my ball straight. He said, ‘You’ll need a compass for that.’

I was playing a round of golf and thought I had a hole in one. Turns out, it was just a manhole cover.

I asked my caddy if he thought I could turn pro. He said, ‘Only if you start playing basketball.’

Rodney Dangerfield’s Memorable Quotes from Caddyshack part 2

I wanted to improve my golf game, so I invested in a GPS system. Turns out, it just tells me where to find the nearest bar.

I played with a group of golfers who were all wearing matching outfits. I asked my caddy if they were a team. He said, ‘No, just fashion victims.’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into a tree. My caddy said, ‘That’s the first time I’ve seen a birdie up there.’

I asked my caddy if he thought I could win the tournament. He said, ‘Only if you start bribing the judges.’

I told my caddy I wanted to play like Jack Nicklaus. He said, ‘That’s gonna be tough, he’s retired.’

I was playing golf and realized I had forgotten to bring my clubs. My caddy said, ‘That’s okay, I brought some extra shoelaces.’

My golf swing is so bad, even the wind gets confused.

I asked my caddy for some tips on my putting. He said, ‘Why don’t you just hire a professional?’

I hit my ball into a sand trap and asked my caddy for advice. He said, ‘Start calling it a beach, maybe it’ll feel more relaxing.’

I told my caddy I needed a miracle to win the tournament. He said, ‘Well, they say miracles happen every day… just not in golf.’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into the rough. My caddy said, ‘Looks like you found the Bermuda Triangle.’

I asked my caddy if he thought I could beat the course record. He said, ‘Only if you start playing on a mini-golf course.’

I hit my ball into a water hazard and asked my caddy if he could swim. He said, ‘I can, but I won’t.’

I told my caddy I wanted to play like Phil Mickelson. He said, ‘You might need a few more wedges.’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into a tree. My caddy said, ‘I didn’t know squirrels played golf.’

I asked my caddy if he thought I could play in the PGA Tour. He said, ‘Only if they start a comedy division.’

I hit my ball into a bunker and asked my caddy for advice. He said, ‘Maybe you should try playing baseball instead.’

I told my caddy I wanted to be the next Arnold Palmer. He said, ‘So you want to be famous for your lemonade?’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into a pond. My caddy said, ‘Looks like you’ve joined the aquatic golf association.’

I asked my caddy if he thought I could get a hole in one. He said, ‘Only if they move the hole to the parking lot.’

I told my caddy I wanted to play like Ben Hogan. He said, ‘Just make sure you avoid any car accidents.’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into a sand trap. My caddy said, ‘Welcome to the beach, enjoy your stay.’

I asked my caddy if he thought I had a future in professional golf. He said, ‘With your swing, maybe as a club cleaner.’

I hit my ball out of bounds and asked my caddy if I could take a Mulligan. He said, ‘Only if you bring me a sandwich.’

I told my caddy I wanted to play like Sam Snead. He said, ‘Good luck finding his signature straw hat.’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into a tree. My caddy said, ‘You’ve got a natural talent for attracting birds.’

I asked my caddy if he thought I could break par. He said, ‘Only if you start playing miniature golf.’

I hit my ball into a water hazard and asked my caddy if he could rescue it. He said, ‘I can’t even save your scorecard.’

I told my caddy I wanted to play like Jordan Spieth. He said, ‘You’ll need a few more hole-in-ones for that.’

I was playing golf and hit my ball into a pond. My caddy said, ‘Looks like you’re going for a swim.’