Hilarious Funny Weight Loss Quotes

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it, but then I run to the gym.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.

I’ve decided to stop wearing black. Now I wear lots of colors, because I heard they make you look thinner…in a kaleidoscope.

I’ve been working out every day…just kidding, I’m a bench warmer at the gym.

I tried to lose weight once, but it didn’t work. Now I just focus on lifting my spirits.

I’m not fat, I’m well-rounded…literally.

I’m not overweight, I’m under-tall.

I’m not chubby, I’m just easy to see.

The only thing I’m losing faster than weight is my patience at the gym.

I eat superfoods…like super-size fries.

I’m not losing weight, I’m just becoming a more aerodynamic version of myself.

I’ve discovered the secret to weight loss. It’s called a trampoline…and a lot of self-control at the buffet.

I tried running once, but I couldn’t catch the ice cream truck.

I don’t have a six-pack, but I have a full keg.

Exercise is important, but so is taking a nap. It’s called balance.

I don’t count calories, I count cupcakes. And then I eat them.

My diet plan is simple: eat everything in sight and hope for a miracle.

I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all food.

Hilarious Funny Weight Loss Quotes part 2

I don’t do cardio because I don’t like to run…unless it’s for ice cream.

I’m not fat, I’m just better to hug.

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is 14 days.

I don’t have a weight problem, I have a gravitational pull.

I’m not at the gym to lose weight, I’m there to take selfies in front of the mirror.

Exercise is a great way to burn calories…so is napping.

I’m not overweight, I’m just undertall.

I’m not fat, I’m just well-insulated for the winter.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need a personal motivator to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hand.

My weight loss plan is simple: eat less, move more, complain constantly.

I’m not on a diet, I’m on a see-food diet. I see food and I eat it.

I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see in the dark.

I’m not overweight, I’m over-nurtured.

I don’t sweat, I sparkle.

I tried doing sit-ups once, but couldn’t find the remote to the TV.

I lost weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.

Running is a great way to lose weight…from your wallet, when you have to buy new running shoes.

I’m not overweight, I’m just under-tall.

I don’t do diets, I do pizza.

I accidentally joined a gym once. I meant to join a pie-eating contest.

They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think pizza works too.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hand.

I lost some weight once, but I found it again at the buffet.

I don’t eat fast food often, but when I do, it’s really fast.

My weight loss plan is simple: eat less, move more, and make sure you never run out of ice cream.

I don’t have a six-pack, I have a cooler.

I don’t need to lose weight, I like myself better with fries.