Hilarious Bar Funny Quotes to Kickstart Your Night Out

I told my bartender to make me a drink that would help me forget my problems. He gave me a glass of water.

I drink because I’m sad, but I can’t tell if I’m sad because I drink.

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer to do it in a bar full of friends.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

I wanted to order a cocktail, but champagne convinced me to celebrate my poor life choices instead.

A bar is like a magic school; you might not learn anything, but you’re definitely going to have fun!

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it ‘drinking at the bar’.

Why did the beer file a police report? It got mugged!

A bartender is just a therapist with a liquor license.

I don’t need a therapist; I have my bartender.

Drinking at the bar is like a magic trick: one moment you have money, the next you’re floating.

Why did the whiskey marry the tequila? They found a shot to be happy together!

I like my drinks like I like my jokes: strong and with a twist.

When life gives you lemons, order a whiskey sour.

A bar is the only place where everyone is a regular… until they forget to tip!

What’s a bartender’s favorite game? Whiskey business!

May your drinks be strong and your hangovers be short.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy… unless you drink too much!

My favorite type of math? Alcohol counts!

Hilarious Bar Funny Quotes to Kickstart Your Night Out part 2

I told my liver we’re on a break; it’s not listening.

Why did the vodka break up with the rum? They couldn’t find common ground during mixers.

A hangover is the universe’s way of telling you to take a break from fun.

If life gives you lemons, toss them back and demand tequila!

I asked the bartender for a double. He offered me a therapist instead!

I don’t always remember my nights, but I definitely know where the bar is.

I make pour decisions at the bar.

Alcohol: because adulting is hard.

My favorite recipe? A heated debate over cocktails!

I went to the bar to drown my sorrows, but they floated!

A day without wine is like… just kidding, I have no idea!

Tequila may not fix everything, but it sure helps!

In an ideal world, everyone would be served cocktails with a side of laughter.

A good cocktail is like a good joke… it has layers!

Why did the cocktail blush? It saw the bar’s bottom shelf!

I joined a gym. Now I just need to find a bar that serves healthy cocktails!

Sometimes, the best therapy is just downing a few shots between friends.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila… floor!

I never met a cocktail I didn’t like… or a bad decision!

My dreams taste better with a splash of rum.

I call it a ‘balanced’ drink when there’s a cocktail in each hand.

A bartender keeps your secrets, but also your drinks!

What’s a bar’s favorite type of music? Anything that gets you tipsy!

Good friends, strong drinks – now that’s a recipe for fun!

Why do bars always have the best ambiance? Because they know how to set the mood!

I don’t get hangry; I get hang-over!

Why did the martini become a comedian? It cracked everyone up!

The only thing stronger than my coffee is my cocktail.

A bad day can always be improved with a drink and some laughter.

I put my faith in tequila and my trust in good company.

Never trust a skinny bartender; they’re hiding something!