Funny Work Quotes

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just on a very important break.

I don’t always work, but when I do, it’s because I have a deadline looming.

I work well under pressure. As long as the deadline is tomorrow.

Work hard so you can buy the things that make your coworkers jealous.

I used to have superpowers, but then I got a job.

If at first you don’t succeed, delegate it to someone else.

The only exercise I get at work is running out of patience.

Coffee: because adulting is hard… and so is my job.

Work would be so much easier if I could just Google everything.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I don’t always love my job, but when I do, it’s pay day.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do it?

The only thing worse than not getting recognition for your work is getting recognition for the wrong work.

I’m not late, I just wanted to make a dramatic entrance.

Smart work is for people who can’t handle the chaos of procrastination.

I’m not saying I hate my job, but it would be a lot better if I could do it from my bed.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why would I take the risk?

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person. I’m a ‘let’s sleep and try again tomorrow’ person.

My job is like a blanket – cozy and warm, until it tries to suffocate me.

Working together is important, especially if you want someone to blame.

I didn’t choose the work life, the work life chose me.

My motivation to work is directly proportional to the amount of coffee I’ve had.

The hardest part of my job is pretending to work when my boss is watching.

I love my job so much, I would do it for free… Wait, no, not really.

I’m not a quitter, but I’ll happily give up on this task.

I don’t need a vacation, I need a new job.

Work is like a fridge full of food – you keep staring at it, hoping something delicious will magically appear.

The secret to success is knowing when to avoid work.

If work was a prison, I’d be a repeat offender.

I fell in love with my job for the paycheck, but stayed for the free coffee.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on power-saving mode.

My computer screen is my happy place… until I have to actually do work.

The best part of my job is when I press Ctrl+S and realize I haven’t saved anything all day.

I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I’m the most well-rested.

I’m not a workaholic, I’m a ‘work smart, not hard’ enthusiast.

I don’t always multitask, but when I do, it’s to procrastinate on multiple projects at once.

Remember, the key to success at work is to always look busy, even if you’re just scrolling through memes.

I don’t get paid enough to be this stressed, but here I am.

Work is the perfect excuse for not having a life on weekdays.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my work email is enough to wake me up in a cold sweat.

I don’t always have a good day at work, but when I do, it’s a day where I avoid my boss.

The hardest part of my job is pretending to be interested when my boss is explaining something for the millionth time.

I’m not failing, I’m just discovering new and innovative ways to not get things done.