Funny TV Show Quotes

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – The Office

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday. – The Office

Nothing suits me like a suit. – How I Met Your Mother

I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? – Friends

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. – The Simpsons

I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested. – The Big Bang Theory

I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you. – Parks and Recreation

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. – The Office

I’m not weird. I’m limited edition. – New Girl

I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. – Forrest Gump

I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way. – Who Framed Roger Rabbit

I’m not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don’t think it’s shameful to be a woman. – RuPaul’s Drag Race

I’m not the hero this city deserves, but I’m the one it needs right now. – Gotham

I’m not a psychopath, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. – Sherlock

I am Beyoncé always. – Parks and Recreation

If the apocalypse comes, beep me. – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I can’t believe I’m standing here next to a dead guy. – Dexter

That’s what she said. – The Office

I can’t control their fear, only my own. – The Walking Dead

I can’t believe you don’t remember me telling you I don’t remember things. – Scrubs

I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you talk. – New Girl

I can’t keep calm, I’m on a show about drama. – Grey’s Anatomy

I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow. – Gone with the Wind

I can’t believe it’s not better. – Arrested Development

I can’t trust you. You’re not wearing pants. – Castle

I don’t get older, I level up. – The Big Bang Theory

I don’t have friends. I got family. – Fast & Furious

I don’t know who I am, but whoever I am, I’m awesome. – How I Met Your Mother

I don’t hate people. I just feel better when they aren’t around. – Parks and Recreation

I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it. – Gilmore Girls

I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. – Friends

I don’t diet. I just eat according to my personality. – The Nanny

I don’t like hugging. It’s too peopley out there. – The Middle

I don’t know karate, but I know crazy. – Bob’s Burgers

I don’t need a man. But I’m happier with one. I’ll admit that. – Sex and the City

I don’t run away from hard work. I run towards it. – Parks and Recreation

I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. But I trust a dog when it doesn’t like a person. – So You Think You Can Dance

I don’t want to adult today. I don’t even want to human today. – How I Met Your Mother

I don’t want to live in a world where someone else is making the world a better place better than we are. – House of Cards

I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. – Grey’s Anatomy

I don’t think you understand how hard it is to take a selfie every day. – Selfie

I don’t want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. – Dexter

I don’t hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank. – The Mindy Project

I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal. – Anchorman

I don’t make mistakes. I date them. – Sex and the City