Funny Sobriety Quotes

I’m not drunk, I’m just gravitational challenged.

I’m not drunk, I’m just in a permanent state of happiness.

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.

I’m not drunk, I’m just practicing my dance moves.

I’m not drunk, I’m just trying to escape reality for a little while.

Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither does milk.

I’m not drunk, I’m just on a margarita diet.

I’m not drunk, I’m just embracing my inner pirate.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a good time waiting to happen.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a magnet for hilarious situations.

Alcohol: because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.

I’m not drunk, I’m just enhancing my creativity.

I’m not drunk, I’m just fluent in liquid courage.

Alcohol may not solve all your problems, but neither does water, and that’s why we drink.

I’m not drunk, I’m just multitasking by talking, stumbling, and drinking all at once.

I’m not drunk, I’m just making memories.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating broccoli.

I’m not drunk, I’m just embracing my inner child… who happens to be a wine lover.

I’m not drunk, I’m just impressing you with my ability to keep a straight face.

Alcohol: because no good story starts with someone eating kale chips.

I’m not drunk, I’m just embracing my wild side.

I’m not drunk, I’m just the life of the party in temporary disguise.

Alcohol: because no epic story ever started with someone eating quinoa.

I’m not drunk, I’m just upgrading my dance moves from awkward to epic.

I’m not drunk, I’m just enjoying life with a bit more flavor.

Alcohol: because no amazing story ever started with someone eating celery.

I’m not drunk, I’m just letting my hair down and my inhibitions go.

I’m not drunk, I’m just on a mission to make everyone laugh.

Alcohol: because no incredible story ever started with someone eating tofu.

I’m not drunk, I’m just an expert at finding the humor in every situation.

I’m not drunk, I’m just on a quest to prove that laughter is the best medicine.

Alcohol: because no unforgettable story ever started with someone eating a salad without dressing.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a walking comedy show.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a master of finding joy in the simplest things.

Alcohol: because no unforgettable story ever started with someone eating a plain rice cake.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a professional at turning an ordinary day into something extraordinary.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a Jedi master of humor.

Alcohol: because no unforgettable story ever started with someone eating a cucumber slice.

I’m not drunk, I just have an unruly sense of humor.

I’m not drunk, I’m just the life of the party… even when the party is just me and my cat.

Alcohol: because no unforgettable story ever started with someone eating a bowl of plain oatmeal.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a master of making every moment memorable.

I’m not drunk, I’m just a connoisseur of laughter.

Alcohol: because no unforgettable story ever started with someone eating plain steamed broccoli.