If you think I’m on the naughty list, wait until I’m on Christmas vacation.
Dear Santa, define ‘nice’
All I want for Christmas is a stress-free family gathering… and maybe a pony.
Tis the season to be jolly… and take naps.
May your Christmas be as hilarious as your ugly sweater.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red!
What happens under the mistletoe, stays under the mistletoe
Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.
Dear Santa, I can explain… but it might take a while.
Christmas calories don’t count… until January!
Holiday tip: Don’t try to deflate your inflatable snowman with a sewing needle… I repeat, DO NOT attempt!
If you can’t wrap Christmas presents, wrap yourself in tinsel. It’s the thought that counts anyway.
Let’s be naughty and save Santa a trip.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loudly for all to hear… or by giving everyone wine. Your choice.
Have yourself a Merry little Christmas… and by ‘little,’ I mean ‘lots of food.’
If all else fails, hide in the snow and pretend you’re a snowman.
My favorite part of the holidays is blaming my weight gain on ‘hibernating’ like a bear. Polar bears do it, so can I.
I’m only a morning person on December 25th… when I have presents to unwrap!
Someone tell Santa that I’ve been good all year… accidentally.
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they decorate their Christmas tree… I like mine heavily spiked with ornaments and alcohol.
Christmas is a time for giving, so I’m giving up on my diet until January 1st.
I was going to make a Christmas joke, but it’s too snowed-in.
I’m not Santa, but I know a few ho, ho, hos
Forget about the mistletoe, let’s hang out underneath the dessert table!
Dear Santa, I promise to eat my vegetables… after Christmas dinner.
Christmas is like a snowball, the more you roll, the bigger it gets… and then it hits you in the face.
Believe in the magic of Christmas, but also believe in the magic of elastic waistbands.
Dear Santa, I have enough socks, please bring wine.
My Christmas list is mostly just a bunch of food emojis.
Dear Santa, I can explain… but it might take a PowerPoint presentation.
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red… So, pretty much any kind of Christmas will do.
May your days be merry and bright, and may your Christmas lights always untangle easily.
If you walk into a room and forget why you’re there, it’s probably because it’s full of Christmas cookies… or you have a bad memory.
Christmas rule: Calories don’t count when they are consumed in cute holiday-shaped cookies.
Ho ho ho! Wait, that’s not how you spell wine… or is it?
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, and by ‘white Christmas,’ I mean a pile of presents so big that I can hide under it until January.
Decorating the Christmas tree is like putting up a giant disco ball in the living room… let the party begin!
Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… except for that one time.
All I want for Christmas is for my family to have a great time… and for me to win at board games.
Dear Santa, I don’t care if I’m on the naughty or nice list, as long as I’m on the ‘wine and cheese’ list.
May your days be merry and bright, and may all your ugly sweaters be delightfully tacky.
Be naughty, save Santa the trip.
Christmas is a magical time of year, when it’s acceptable to put marshmallows in your hot chocolate and sprinkle cookies on your cereal.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing off-key for all to hear.
Dear Santa, please bring me a sense of humor this Christmas… or at least some more chocolate.
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