Eric Cartman Quotes

Screw you guys, I’m going home!

Respect my authoritah!

I’m not fat, I’m big-boned!

Whatever, I’ll do what I want!

I hate hippies!

I’m not a racist, I hate everyone equally!

Hamburgers… the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.

I’m not a fatass, I’m a badass!

You will respect my authoritah or I will kick you square in the nuts!

I’m not prejudiced, I hate all people regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation.

You should never underestimate the power of a good insult.

I don’t care about rules, I only care about what’s best for me!

If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek attention.

I don’t have a problem with authority, just authority figures who aren’t me.

I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

I don’t need friends, I have followers.

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

I don’t get fat, I’m just retaining awesomeness.

I’m not mean, I’m just brutally honest.

If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!

I don’t need to follow rules, I make my own.

I’m not a bad influence, I’m just misunderstood.

Girls are stupid and throw rocks at boys they like.

I’m not a bully, I’m a truth-teller.

I don’t care if it’s morally wrong, as long as it’s funny.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution.

I don’t need a reason to hate, I just hate.

I don’t need talent when I have confidence.

I don’t need a reason to party, I am the party!

I don’t need to wear a mask, my face is already offensive enough.

I don’t need to make sense, I’m Cartman!

I don’t need love, I have tacos.

I don’t need a brain, I have a mouth.

I don’t need approval, I have Instagram.

I don’t need karma, I have karma sutra.

I don’t need society, I have my own reality.

I don’t need to fit in, I’m a leader.

I don’t need forgiveness, I have the power of denial.

I don’t need a conscience, I have ego.

I don’t need to be nice, I’m Cartman!

I don’t need good grades, I have friends in high places.

I don’t need to apologize, I’m never wrong!

I don’t need manners, I have sarcasm.

I don’t need to be polite, I have a personality.

I don’t need to be normal, I’m exceptional!