If you were a spice, you’d be flour.
I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-idiot dictionary at home.
You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, its a beautiful day.
Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say wont change a thing.
Youre proof that even evolution makes mistakes.
I dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
Id call you a tool, but that implies you actually have a purpose.
Im not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
Somewhere out there is a village missing its idiot; you should go home.
Youre like a software update; whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
You’re just like a broken pencil: pointless.
I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have a root canal.
Your face makes onions cry.
Im really glad youre here. Im getting bored with all the smart people.
You are the reason I wake up every afternoon.
I hope your phone battery lasts longer than your personality.
Your brain is like the Bermuda Triangle; information goes in and then it’s never found again.
If I had a dollar for every brain you didn’t have, Id have a dollar.
Youre like a software bug-annoying and often unnecessary.
Congratulations! Youve made it through life without a clue.
Id push you in the pool, but Im afraid youd drown.
Id offer you a nasty look, but youve already got one.
You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Sometimes I wonder how you manage to breathe and think at the same time.
Im not a mind reader, but I can see youre severely limited.
You must have been born on a highway because thats where most accidents happen.
If I wanted to hear from an ass, I’d simply fart.
Keep rolling your eyes; maybe youll find a brain back there.
You are a gray matter waste of space.
If I had a dollar for every time you were right, I’d be broke.
Theres somebody out there for everyone; for you, its a psychiatrist.
Youre like a candle in the wind-useless.
I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chickens ass and wait.
Im jealous of people who dont know you.
You have a face for radio and a voice for silent films.
Youre like a slinky; not really good for anything but brings a smile when you fall down the stairs.
If I wanted to hear your opinion, I would have used a ouija board.
Youre the reason I believe in aliens.
Im not saying youre an idiot, but you could be the poster child for it.
If I had a nickel for every time you were wrong, Id be a millionaire.
Youre like a software update: annoying and always pops up at the wrong moment.
You should carry a plant around to replace the oxygen you waste.
Your call is important to us-just not that important.
Youre about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
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