Drunk quotes

I didn’t text you, my wine did.

My bartender knows my name…and my problems.

I’m not sure if I have issues or if tequila just makes everything more intense.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

I’m not drunk, I’m just elegantly wasted.

Alcohol doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean… against walls, chairs, and random strangers.

Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither does milk.

I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.

I drink coffee because adulting is hard, but I drink wine because adulting is even harder.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I don’t get drunk, I just get less classy and more fun.

I’m not drinking alone, I’m drinking with my imaginary friend.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

Alcohol is the answer. What was the question, again?

I don’t need a knight in shining armor, I need a whiskey on the rocks.

In dog beers, I’ve only had one.

Drinking is like taking a vacation from your mind.

I don’t remember much, but the bar tab seems to remember everything for me.

I don’t drink to forget, I drink to remember how awesome I am.

I only drink on days that end in ‘Y’.

I like my whiskey like my relationships – on the rocks.

My blood type is coffee and my spirit animal is whiskey.

I only drink to make other people more interesting.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.

I have mixed drinks about mixed feelings.

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

My favorite drink is the next one.

I have a passion for wine… and by passion, I mean drinking it.

Drunk me is just sober me with fewer inhibitions and better dance moves.

I don’t need a glass of wine, I need a bottle… or two.

I’m not buzzed, I’m just highly spirited.

I don’t trust people who don’t drink. How can you trust someone who can resist the allure of a margarita?

I can resist everything except temptation… and tequila shots.

Let’s drink like we’re on vacation and nobody’s watching.

Cheers to the nights that turned into mornings and the friends that turned into family.

I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Wine: because no great love story ever started with someone eating a salad.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

I have mixed drinks about mixed feelings.

Drinking alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither will water or milk. So cheers!