Creed Bratton Quotes

I’m not insane, my mother had me tested. – Creed Bratton

Life is about taking risks, like investing in monkey restaurants. – Creed Bratton

If at first you don’t succeed, steal someone else’s success. – Creed Bratton

You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. Or a lot of acid. – Creed Bratton

I didn’t choose the creepy life, the creepy life chose me. – Creed Bratton

I don’t believe in luck, I believe in the stock market. – Creed Bratton

Sometimes I feel like a vampire, but without the charm and charisma. – Creed Bratton

A bird in the hand is worth two in Dwight’s face. – Creed Bratton

I don’t always make sense, but when I do, it’s usually about snacks. – Creed Bratton

The key to success is knowing how to play chess… with real people. – Creed Bratton

If life gives you lemons, sell them and buy something better. – Creed Bratton

I prefer to be mysterious, like a taco truck that only shows up on Fridays. – Creed Bratton

I don’t mind being the crazy guy in the office, someone has to do it. – Creed Bratton

Some people call me eccentric, I prefer to think of myself as uniquely disturbed. – Creed Bratton

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em… and then betray them. – Creed Bratton

I’ve been called many things, but ‘normal’ is not one of them. – Creed Bratton

Age is just a number, unless you owe money to the mob. – Creed Bratton

I’ve learned that you have to be careful what you wish for, especially when it involves clowns. – Creed Bratton

The grass is always greener on the other side, and it’s usually because of an underground sprinkler system. – Creed Bratton

I’m not afraid of commitment, just commitment to reality. – Creed Bratton

Life is full of surprises, like finding a foot spa in a dumpster. – Creed Bratton

Some people say I have a ‘unique’ perspective on life. I just call it ‘being awesome’. – Creed Bratton

Every day is a new adventure, especially when you don’t remember what happened the day before. – Creed Bratton

The secret to happiness is a well-stocked supply of potato chips. – Creed Bratton

I’m like a chameleon, constantly changing my appearance to avoid paying taxes. – Creed Bratton

Life is like a piñata, you never know what’s gonna come out. Could be candy, could be deadly bees. – Creed Bratton

I’m not crazy, I’m just eccentric… and maybe a little bit crazy. – Creed Bratton

I don’t follow trends, I create them. Like wearing socks with sandals. – Creed Bratton

The best way to solve a problem is to pretend it doesn’t exist. Works for me! – Creed Bratton

I don’t believe in regrets, only in takebacks and redo’s. – Creed Bratton

Life is like a rollercoaster, sometimes it’s fun, sometimes you throw up. – Creed Bratton

I’ve learned that the key to success is never taking ‘no’ for an answer… unless it involves the police. – Creed Bratton

I’m not lazy, I just have a talent for finding the most efficient way to do nothing. – Creed Bratton

I don’t need therapy, I just need a good hiding spot and an alibi. – Creed Bratton

The best way to impress people is to confuse them. Works every time. – Creed Bratton

I don’t believe in karma, but I do believe in taking people’s lunch from the office fridge. – Creed Bratton

Coffee is like a friend that never lets you down, unless it’s decaf. – Creed Bratton

I’m not afraid of anything, except mayonnaise. That stuff is evil. – Creed Bratton

The key to success is to always keep moving, like a turtle on rollerblades. – Creed Bratton

I don’t need a vacation, I’m already living in my own little alternate reality. – Creed Bratton

The world is my playground, and I’m the kid with the stolen key. – Creed Bratton

Life is like a box of chocolates, except the box is empty and all the chocolates are bizarre flavors. – Creed Bratton

I’ve learned that you can’t trust anyone, especially when they offer you a free puppy. – Creed Bratton

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a life-sized statue of yourself. Close enough. – Creed Bratton

I don’t believe in luck, I believe in conspiracy theories and magic tricks. – Creed Bratton