Woody Allen Quotes

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I’m not afraid of heights, I’m afraid of falling.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, but I still bring a change of underwear.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are so small!

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it by not dying.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

I’m not a genius. I’m just a tremendously talented individual.

I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it by not dying.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.

I’m what you would call a teleological, existential atheist. I believe that there is an intelligence to the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.

Woody Allen Quotes part 2

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

I’m not a person who generally thinks, ‘Oh, I wish I was richer or more famous.’ I have more money than I’ve ever dreamed of.

I am two with nature.

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

I’m not anti-social. I’m just not social.

I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I want a girl who’s innocent, but not too innocent.

We have a President that’s treating women badly — why doesn’t he just become a movie producer?

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.

I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Basically, my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.

Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving or not loving well, which is the same thing. And then the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face, like some rhino hunters I know or Belmonte, who is truly brave… It is because they make love with sufficient passion, to push death out of their minds… until it returns, as it does, to all men… and then you must make really good love again.

You can’t control life. It doesn’t wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.

Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. Actually, it’s about Russia.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

Man consists of two parts: his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.