I never met a man I didn’t like.
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.
If you want to succeed, you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.
The road to success is always under construction.
The only way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.
If you want to make a difference in the world, start with yourself.
The worst thing that can happen to a man is to lose his money, the next worst thing is to lose his health, and the next worst thing is to lose his mind. They all go quick, but money goes quickest.
The greatest thing you can do for a man is to apologize to him if you are wrong, and if he is wrong, hold your tongue.
Never let yesterday’s disappointments overshadow tomorrow’s dreams.
If you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.
The best way out of a problem is through it.
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
It’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule: Never lie to yourself.
A man only learns in two ways: one by reading and the other by association with smarter people.
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.
The difference between a schoolteacher and a politician is that the politician won’t admit they’re wrong.
If you can’t make them see the light, make them feel the heat.
Common sense ain’t so common.
I’m not a member of any organized political party… I’m a Democrat.
If you want to be successful, you have to make your own opportunities.
The only way to resist temptation is to yield to it.
When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.
The worst thing that can happen to a comedy is for the laughs to be replaced by earnestness.
If you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
The best way to make the kids good is to make them happy.
Ignorance is not a problem; it’s the things we know that ain’t so.
The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.
The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
The problem ain’t what people don’t know; it’s what they know that ain’t so.
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