WC Fields Quotes

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Never work with children or animals. They both steal the show.

I always like to keep in step with the times, so I kicked off one of my shoes.

The best way to keep a secret is to pretend there isn’t one.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Never work with children or animals. They both steal the show.

I always like to keep in step with the times, so I kicked off one of my shoes.

The best way to keep a secret is to pretend there isn’t one.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Never work with children or animals. They both steal the show.

I always like to keep in step with the times, so I kicked off one of my shoes.

The best way to keep a secret is to pretend there isn’t one.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.