The Art of Insult – Exploring Disrespectful Quotes That Cut Deep

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

Respect is earned, not given; too bad you don’t have what it takes.

I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-idiot dictionary at home.

Your secrets are always safe with me. I never listen when you talk.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I don’t have the energy to pretend I like you today.

You’re like a software update †whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’

Some days, you’re the pigeon; other days, you’re the statue.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something intelligent, I’d be broke.

Isn’t it exhausting being this consistently mediocre?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on Earth.

You’re proof that even evolution makes mistakes.

I’d call you a tool, but that implies you’re actually useful.

You’re like a cloud; when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.

You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

Let’s play hide and seek †you hide and I’ll seek a brain.

Your face makes onions cry.

You add the same value to this conversation that a screen door does to a submarine.

The Art of Insult – Exploring Disrespectful Quotes That Cut Deep part 2

I’d say you’re full of hot air, but I’m pretty sure the air is cooler than you.

You’re like a broken pencil: pointless.

You’re living proof that even dreams can be nightmares.

If I wanted to hear from a jerk, I’d have asked you to speak.

You’re like a candle in the wind †pointless and easily extinguished.

You remind me of a software error: unnecessary and annoying.

Your only chance of getting laid is to crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.

You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

Your opinion is like a broken pencil; it’s just pointless.

I’d call you a clown, but that’s an insult to clowns everywhere.

You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.

Life is too short to waste time being this irrelevant.

You’re a gray matter black hole †sucking intelligence and creativity out of the universe.

You must have been born on a highway, because that’s where most accidents happen.

You’re like a fire alarm †annoying and only useful in emergencies.

Keep rolling your eyes; maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

You should really put a sign on your forehead: ‘Do not disturb.’

I hope you step on a LEGO and land on a fully charged phone.

You’re like a speed bumpâ€annoying and slows everything down.

If brains were gold, you’d be a penny.

I’d call you an idiot, but that would be an insult to stupid people.

You’re a gray matter black hole – sucking intelligence and creativity out of the universe.

You’re like a slinky: not really good for much, but you still bring a smile when you fall down the stairs.

You could be a model for why some animals eat their young.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

You have the right to remain silent because your words are a crime against humanity.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

You’re the reason God created the middle finger.

Sometimes I wonder how you manage to breathe without a brain.