Talladega Nights Quotes – Hilarious One-Liners from the Beloved Racing Comedy

Shake and bake!

If you ain’t first, you’re last.

I wake up in the morning and piss excellence.

I’m just a big, hairy American winning machine.

I’ve come here to do two things: chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I’m all out of bubblegum.

You can’t have two number ones.

I’m all jacked on Mountain Dew!

Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

It’s like I’m paralyzed by not only fear, but also complete awesomeness.

You better not lose that race, ’cause I’ve got a lot of money riding on you!

I love the smell of victory in the morning.

It’s all about the poker chips, baby!

I can’t go fast enough to outrun my past.

Rubbin’ is racin’, baby.

I’m going to drink a lot of beer and stay out all night. And my parents can’t stop me!

These are the kind of questions that keep me up at night, man.

I feel like a mongoose fresh out of a coma!

I’m about to turn left!

I’m just a dumb animal, right? You know, I ain’t nothin’ but a stupid animal.

I’m here to take advantage of ignorant people!

There’s only one rule in NASCAR: you gotta be fast!

You can’t handle my tailpipe, son!

You see, they laugh at me because I’m different, but I laugh at them because they’re all the same.

I’ll catch up to you, I promise!

Talladega Nights Quotes – Hilarious One-Liners from the Beloved Racing Comedy part 2

Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver!

Gotta go fast, gotta go fast!

I’m like a velociraptor, I’m fast!

You’re just trying to be the corn snake in the grass, aren’t you?

I can’t control other drivers, but I can control myself!

I’m like a good piece of sushi—two days old and fresh!

If you don’t like my driving, stay off the sidewalk!

I’m gonna put you through that wall, but first I’ll pull my foot out of your @ss!

I’m gonna go to space, I’m gonna meet aliens!

I’m the most wanted racer in the world!

I got a fearless feeling, I got a powerful emotion!

I’m gonna build a big, glittery, space machine!

I’m driving around with white powder in my hand, and I’m not even on drugs!

I’m gonna ride into the sunset on a streak of golden lightning!

I’m gonna win so much money at this race, I’m gonna put up a statue of myself!

I’m gonna drive so fast, I’ll make the speed of light look slow!

I’m gonna prove to the world that I’m still the best driver!

I’m gonna make love to this track like a thoroughbred!

I’m gonna use my wit and charm to win this race!

I’m gonna show the world that rednecks can be champions too!

I’m gonna show the world what it means to be a true driver, and I’m gonna do it in style!