Spaceballs quotes

May the Schwartz be with you!

Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

Ludicrous speed, GO!

We break for nobody.

I’m surrounded by assholes!

What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?

I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.

I’m not a Spaceball, I’m a Mog!

We’re not just doing this for money… we’re doing it for a SHITLOAD of money!

I’m going to have to go right to… ludicrous speed!

Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big?!

Who’s gonna pay for all the damage? The taxpayers?

That’s the stupidest combination I’ve ever heard.

This ship will self-destruct in one minute… Wait, cancel that – I’ll do it!

You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!

Yogurt: Merchandising! Merchandising! Where the real money from the movie is made.

She’s not my type. …What? Big and dumb? She’s perfect!

I’m a mog: half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.

Pizza the Hutt: I’m so lonely. So very lonely.

We’re sending you a bill for the damage done to our friend the planet.

They must have hyperjets on that thing!

What’s the matter, sir? Something wrong with your eyes?

We’re going to crash?! But I just painted this thing!

What’s happening? Why are we stopped? It’s either a fusion reactor… or a Winnebago!

Is it just me, or is it getting crazier out there?

You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.

He’s got the Schwartz, and I’ve got the helmet!

I bet she gives great helmet.

I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.

Why didn’t you tell me your father was Carmen Miranda?

My hair! He shot my hair! Son of a bitch!

Out of order? Fuck! Even in the future nothing works!

If there’s only one of you and one of me, doesn’t that make it one-on-one?

Oh my God, it’s Mega Maid. She’s gone from suck to blow!

Smoke if you got ’em.

You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know — morons.

Well, if there’s a bright centre to the universe, you’re on the planet that it’s farthest from.

What’s the matter, Mr. President? Scared of a little atomic explosion?

We’re not just doing this for money… We’re doing it for a shitload of money!

Spaceballs: The T-Shirt. Spaceballs: The Coloring Book. Spaceballs: The Lunchbox. Spaceballs: The Breakfast Cereal. Spaceballs: The Flamethrower!

I’m surrounded by assholes! Keep firing, assholes!

Will you take the case? We’ve been jammed! Why don’t you tell me where it hurts?

Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink… and you can count on me waiting for you on the parking lot!

No, not that stunt double! The other stunt double!

You’ve captured their stunt doubles! So that’s where I’ve heard that voice before.