Sayings that don’t add up

The snooze button was invented by someone who wanted to confuse alarm clocks.

I’m as busy as a bee with no pollen.

The early bird gets the worm, but what about the late sleeper and the good books?

Why did the man throw his clock out the window? Because it reminded him of time.

Don’t count your chickens before they have their morning coffee.

You can’t have your cake and jump in a puddle too.

A watched pot never boils, but an ignored pot boils over.

It’s raining cats and dogs, but I only asked for a light drizzle.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless it’s a carrot.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink champagne.

When life gives you lemons, make sure they’re not limes in disguise.

What goes up must come down, unless it’s a balloon in a windstorm.

A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you spend it on a magic trick.

All that glitters is not gold, but it might be a glitter bomb.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, unless it’s a coloring book.

Every cloud has a silver lining, unless it’s a thunderstorm.

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few rubber ducks.

Too many cooks spoil the broth, but a mixologist can save it.

Actions speak louder than words, but silence can be deafening.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the beholder doesn’t have glasses.

Sayings that don’t add up part 2

The grass is always greener on the other side, until it’s time to mow.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, unless they’re eating octopus.

It’s like finding a needle in a haystack, unless you’re magnetically attracted to needles.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach a young dog how to file taxes.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but don’t forget the sugar.

Look before you leap, but look again before you double-dutch.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but a blank canvas is worth a million ideas.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three left turns do.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too, unless you’re a master of teleportation.

It’s a piece of cake, unless the cake is made of jigsaw puzzle pieces.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless the basket is made of super glue.

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but you can knit a cozy for it.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back as a detective.

The pen is mightier than the sword, but even mightier with ink.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.

Better late than never, unless you’re trying to catch the last train.

Like a fish out of water, except the fish has a scuba certification.

Too many cooks spoil the broth, unless it’s a neighborhood chili cook-off.

Birds of a feather flock together, unless they’re being followed by a woodpecker.

When the going gets tough, the tough go window shopping.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you’re a professional egg juggler.

A watched pot never boils, unless it’s being microwaved.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too, unless you have a magic duplicator.

The early bird gets the worm, unless it’s raining worms.