Oh, look, it’s Father of the Year over here.
Who needs a dad when you can have a broken heart instead?
Father’s Day: a day to celebrate the disappointment.
When it comes to fatherhood, he really set the bar low.
Thanks, dad, for showing me what not to do.
I guess ‘Dad of the Year’ awards don’t exist for a reason.
If only my dad’s parenting skills were as great as his excuses.
Who needs a role model when you’ve got a deadbeat dad?
Fatherhood: the art of being conveniently absent.
If fatherhood was a sport, my dad would be the benchwarmer.
They say actions speak louder than words, and my dad’s silence says it all.
Dad’s absence made my heart grow fonder… of ice cream.
If being an absentee dad was an Olympic sport, my dad would have a gold medal.
I’ve learned more about what not to do from my bad dad than any self-help book.
Father’s Day: a reminder that some dads are just glorified sperm donors.
My dad’s parenting advice: ‘Do as I say, not as I don’t do.’
My dad’s parenting style could be summarized in one word: disappointing.
Thanks to my dad, I have a solid understanding of what not to look for in a partner.
Do they give out awards for ‘Worst Dad Ever’? Because mine would win.
If my dad’s parenting technique had a name, it would be ‘the disappearing act.’
My dad always told me I could be anything I wanted… as long as it didn’t involve him.
Fatherhood for beginners: my dad’s guide on how to be absent in three easy steps.
The best lesson my dad taught me was how not to be a father.
Some people were born to be dads. My dad was born to be a disappointment.
Dad’s favorite bedtime story? The one where he’s nowhere to be found.
I used to think my dad was a superhero. Turns out, he’s just super absent.
Father’s Day: the one day of the year I pretend my dad never existed.
My dad’s an expert at one thing: breaking promises.
If love is blind, then my dad must be the invisible man.
My dad could give lessons on how to disappear faster than Houdini.
Being a dad is like a part-time job for my dad… except he’s never around.
My dad’s parenting philosophy? Out of sight, out of mind.
I’ve come to accept that my dad’s role in my life is more of a cameo than a leading role.
Fatherhood: when you show up less often than the second coming of Christ.
I wish we could have a ‘Take Your Dad to Work Day’… but that would require him actually having a job.
Bad dads: the reason therapy exists.
My dad taught me one valuable lesson: never rely on him for anything.
My dad’s parenting skills are like Bigfoot: legendary, but never actually seen.
If my dad were a superhero, he’d be Captain Absentee.
My dad’s parenting advice: ‘Just don’t do anything I would… which is pretty much everything.’
Having a bad dad is like having a broken pencil: pointless and disappointing.
Father’s Day: a day to celebrate mediocrity.
My dad’s idea of quality time is giving me the silent treatment.
Fatherhood: the art of ghosting your own kids.
If being a dad was a job, my dad would have been fired a long time ago.
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