Sarcastic Office Quotes

Oh, you have another meeting? How exciting! I can’t wait to hear about all the productivity going on.

Sure, let’s schedule a meeting to discuss when we can schedule another meeting.

I’ll get right on that… as soon as I finish browsing the internet for another hour.

Can you please stop sending me urgent emails with exclamation marks? It’s not like the building is on fire.

Oh look, another company-wide email reminding us to be more productive. Because that’s how you inspire creativity.

Yes, please micromanage me some more. I haven’t had enough adult supervision in my life.

I love how we always have an agenda for our meetings, but never actually stick to it.

Sorry, I can’t come to work today. I’m too busy pretending to be productive from home.

Great, another team building exercise that will definitely solve all our communication issues.

It’s amazing how much work we can get done when we spend half the day socializing by the coffee machine.

Yes, I absolutely need that report by the end of the day. I’m definitely going to read it.

I love how our office is designed to encourage collaboration, as long as you don’t mind everyone listening to your phone conversations.

Meeting cancelled? Thank goodness, now I can finally catch up on my actual work.

I’m glad we have so many meetings. I was worried I didn’t have enough opportunities to zone out and daydream.

Sarcastic Office Quotes part 2

Sure, I’ll just drop everything and work on your project even though it’s not my responsibility.

I’m so glad I booked an hour-long meeting to discuss something that could have been resolved in a one-line email.

Let’s have a brainstorming session where we just rehash the same tired ideas we’ve been discussing for the past year.

I love how we have an open office plan so I can enjoy all the delightful sounds and smells of my coworkers.

Yes, I definitely need a daily reminder to be grateful for the privilege of working here.

I’m glad we have so many team-building activities. They really help me bond with people I barely know.

Can we please have the most long and pointless discussion possible about something that doesn’t even matter?

Can you please keep sending me emails after working hours? I really enjoy feeling like I’m on call 24/7.

Oh, you have some feedback for my work? Please, enlighten me on how I can be more perfect.

I’m amazed at how our office manages to be simultaneously freezing and boiling at the same time.

Sure, let’s have a meeting to discuss why we’re having so many meetings. That makes perfect sense.

I love how our office is equipped with state-of-the-art technology from the 90s.

Can you please schedule a meeting to discuss why we’re always out of printer paper?

I love how our office always smells like a combination of burnt popcorn and stale coffee.

Yes, please email me every five minutes to ask for updates on a project that will take weeks to complete.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to spend my day attending meetings instead of actually getting work done.

Can we please have another team building activity? The last one really taught me the value of trust falls.

I’m glad we have so many performance reviews. Nothing boosts morale like receiving criticism from someone who has no idea what you do.

Can you please email me that document again? I only printed out one copy and promptly lost it.

I love how our office is designed so that every conversation can be heard by the entire floor.

Can we please schedule a meeting to discuss why we’re always scheduling meetings instead of actually working?

I’m amazed at how much productivity we can achieve when we spend our day attending meetings to discuss productivity.

I’m so glad we have a break room stocked with stale snacks and expired yogurts.

Can we please have another office party to celebrate the wonderful world of spreadsheets?

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be constantly interrupted while trying to concentrate on my work.

Yes, I definitely need to attend that meeting. I don’t have enough unnecessary stress in my life.

Can we please have a meeting to brainstorm ways to reduce the number of meetings we have?

I love how our office has an open-door policy where no one actually leaves their door open.

Can you please send me another urgent email with a subject line in all caps? I really need to feel more stressed.

I’m glad we use email for all our communication instead of actually talking to each other like normal human beings.

Can we please spend more time discussing why we don’t have enough time to do our actual work instead of doing our actual work?