Roy D. Mercer Quotes

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

That boy’s about as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

Don’t come around here like a hair in a biscuit.

You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

You’ve got more excuses than a pig has fleas.

You’re as confused as a fart in a fan factory.

You’re more mixed up than a fart in a whirlwind.

You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a bag full of beans.

You’re as slow as molasses in January.

You’re about as handy as a pocket on a shirt.

You’ve got more problems than a math book.

You’re dumber than a box of rocks.

You’re about as useful as a football bat.

You’re as sharp as a bowling ball.

You couldn’t find your own butt with both hands and a map.

You’re about as smart as a bag of hammers.

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

You’re about as graceful as a bull in a china shop.

You’re as subtle as a sledgehammer.

You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag.

You’re as clumsy as a bull in a china shop.

You’re as slow as Christmas.

You’re more lost than a dog in a thunderstorm.

You’re about as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a bazooka.

Roy D. Mercer Quotes part 2

You’re about as sharp as a marble.

You’ve got a face only a mother could love.

You’re as stubborn as a mule.

You’re about as friendly as a porcupine sitting on a cactus.

You’re as snappy as a wet blanket.

You’re as charming as a skunk in a perfume factory.

You’re about as clear as mud.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

You’re more confused than a cow on astroturf.

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

You’re about as sharp as a butter knife.

You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

You’ve got more excuses than a three-legged dog in a dog show.

You’re about as handy as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

You’re more twisted than a pretzel factory.

You’re about as charming as a rattlesnake in a mailbox.

You’re as slick as a greased pig.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

You’re as clumsy as a bull in a china shop.

You’re about as clear as mud on a rainy day.