Red Forman Quotes

I’ve got a foot that would feel really great up your ass.

This isn’t a democracy, it’s a dictatorship, and I’m the dick!

If you think you’re going to be sleeping in tomorrow, you must be high.

Dumbass.

Just because you’re boiling hot doesn’t mean you should take your clothes off, dumbass.

What are you looking at, dickweed?

You’re a dumbass. A dumbass with a great ass, but a dumbass nonetheless.

Life isn’t fair, so get used to disappointment.

If I had a nickel for every dumbass thing you did, I’d be a millionaire.

The only reason I tolerate you is because you’re my son. And because I can’t legally kill you.

I once lit a man on fire for drinking my beer. I’m not opposed to doing it again.

Having you as a son is punishment enough. I don’t need anything else.

If stupid was a disease, you’d be dead.

I hope you’re enjoying your summer vacation, because come September, I’m putting a boot up your ass.

You’re like a cockroach. You just keep coming back.

I’ve got two words for you: go fuck yourself.

Every time you do something dumb, a little piece of my soul dies.

I’d call you a dumbass, but that would be an insult to dumbasses everywhere.

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest dumbass alive.

I’ve got a whole list of insults just waiting for you, dumbass.

You’re not just a dumbass, you’re a world-class dumbass.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.

You’re not even worth the energy it takes to insult you.

I’ve seen smarter people in a bowl of Cheerios.

You’re the reason they put warning labels on things.

I don’t suffer fools gladly, and you’re the biggest fool of them all.

You’re not just a dumbass, you’re a walking adverti*****t for birth control.

You’re like a broken record, dumbass. You just keep repeating the same mistakes.

I’ve met rocks with more intelligence than you.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I think you’d feel right at home.

If being a dumbass was a sport, you’d be the world champion.

There are two things in this world that I can’t stand: dumbasses and Mondays.

Your stupidity knows no bounds.

You’re proof that Darwin was wrong.

I’ve met some dumbasses in my time, but you take the cake.

You’re not even worth the oxygen it takes for me to insult you.

You’re like a black hole of intelligence. Just sucking in all the dumbassness around you.

You should wear a sign that says ‘Warning: extreme dumbass ahead.’

I don’t know how you manage to breathe and be a dumbass at the same time.

The only thing you’re good at is being a dumbass.

You’re like a train wreck. I can’t look away, even though I really want to.

If there was an Olympic event for dumbassery, you’d take home the gold.

You’re so dumb, you couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

I’ve never met someone who consistently made such poor life choices. Congratulations on being a dumbass.