Nick Miller Quotes

I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words.

Only in Nick’s world do you get a lap dance and a violent argument in the same night.

I’m part of a group text message thread. It’s cool, my phone goes off like 30-40 times a day.

I have no self-control. But then again, I don’t really have any interests either.

Every time I start to get intimate with somebody, I start thinking about my sweaty socks squeezing and rubbing together.

I feel like a guy who wore sweatpants to church.

I’m like an onion. You know, peel back the layers and you’ll find a lot of crying in here.

Every time I walk into a room, my shirt comes off. It’s a real problem.

I’m allergic to feeling too awesome.

I’m like a candy cane hanging out with a bunch of boring old twigs.

I’m not good at sugarcoating things. In fact, I once told a chick she made my ‘Dudefish’ smell.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who understands that work is the exact opposite of life.

I’m not a violent guy, but I have punched a few walls in my time. And one mailbox. And a squirrel.

Life is confusing and weird and not always in a cool way.

I’m just trying to find somebody who can hold a conversation without mentioning their SAT score.

I have a signature scent. It’s called ‘stale beer and gym sweat’.

I once tried to dance, but it just looked like I was being attacked by hornets.

I’m like a bear in hibernation, except I’m always grumpy and I don’t sleep much.

I’m a mess, but I’m a cool mess. Like a fringed leather jacket with a missing button.

I’m not sure if I’m lazy or just really good at doing nothing.

I’m not a pessimist, I’m just an expert at managing my expectations.

I don’t have a lot of talents, but I’m really good at making awkward small talk.

I’m like a snowflake. Unique, fragile, and annoying when I stick to your shoes.

I don’t have a bucket list, but I do have a ‘screw it, just try it’ list.

I’m not interested in being normal. I’d rather be weird and interesting.

I have the unique ability to make a fool of myself in any situation.

I may not have my life together, but at least I have my collection of expired coupons.

I don’t believe in luck. I believe in choosing the path of least resistance and hoping for the best.

I’m not good at adulting. I still think 2 AM is a perfectly acceptable bedtime.

I like to think of myself as a non-traditional thinker. Which is a nice way of saying I don’t think like a normal person.

I don’t need a lot of friends, just a few who can tolerate my weirdness.

I’m a hot mess wrapped in a blanket of chaos and sprinkled with a dash of awkwardness.

I have a love-hate relationship with responsibility. I love to hate it.

I have a PhD in procrastination, with a minor in ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’

I’m not a quitter, I’m just really good at recognizing when something is not worth my time.

I don’t believe in following trends. I believe in setting them, even if it means wearing socks with sandals.

I’m a walking contradiction. I want to be productive, but I also want to take a nap.

I may not be the smartest person in the room, but I’m definitely the most sarcastic.

I’m not great at expressing my emotions, but I’m really good at making awkward faces.

I have a hard time making decisions. I don’t want to commit to anything, except maybe another episode of ‘The Office’.

I’m not afraid of failure. I embrace it, because it means I’ve tried something new.

I may not be living my best life, but I’m definitely living my most interesting one.

I’m not good at following rules. I prefer to think of them as suggestions.

I’m like a cat, I just want to do my own thing and be left alone.

I may not have it all figured out, but at least I’m making my own mistakes and learning from them.