Messed up sayings – When idioms go wrong

Life is like a roller coaster, but sometimes the tracks are made of spaghetti.

If you can’t beat ’em, roll over and play possum.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them do the Macarena.

When life gives you lemons, make a lemon meringue pie and throw it at someone who deserves it.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, but feel free to judge a sandwich by its crust.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, especially if that bird has a law degree.

If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza and try again tomorrow.

There’s no use crying over spilled milk, but it’s perfectly acceptable to cry over a broken nail.

The early bird catches the worm, but the late bird gets to sleep in.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on both of us for not installing better security cameras.

Actions speak louder than words, but sometimes a well-placed pun can carry the conversation.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless it’s offering you kale chips instead of chocolate.

A penny saved is a penny earned, but a penny spent on a bubblegum machine is pure joy.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three left turns will get you back where you started.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, but keep your tourist fanny pack on for maximum style.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless the other side is made of artificial turf.

Messed up sayings – When idioms go wrong part 2

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it’s also in the hands of a skilled makeup artist.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it makes my appetite grow ravenous.

Hindsight is 20/20, but foresight is a skill best developed through extensive googling.

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, just focus on making the world’s best omelette.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but the quiet wheel doesn’t have to deal with the noise.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a caramel apple a day keeps the dentist in business.

A watched pot never boils, but a forgotten pot boils over and makes a mess on the stove.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too, unless you’re eating it while wearing stretchy pants.

Good things come to those who wait, but even better things come to those who take advantage of the flash sale.

If the shoe fits, wear it, unless it’s a Croc. No one should ever wear a Croc.

Every cloud has a silver lining, but sometimes it’s just a distraction from the fact that it’s about to rain on your parade.

A penny for your thoughts, or a dollar for a more detailed analysis?

Practice makes perfect, unless you’re practicing a bad habit, then it just makes you really good at being bad.

The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade… and then spike it with tequila.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you have a really strong basket.

Two heads are better than one, but only if you’re trying to solve a two-headed monster puzzle.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but a rolling donut gathers sprinkles and glazed confections.

Measure twice, cut once, unless you’re a surgeon, then measure like a gazillion times.

Better late than never, but better still to turn back time like Cher and never be late at all.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today, unless Netflix just released a new season of your favorite show.

When in doubt, dance it out. And if you’re still in doubt, keep dancing until it becomes a TikTok trend.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, unless it’s food poisoning, then it just makes you hungrier for something non-toxic.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you’re making a really big omelette for a hungry crowd.

If at first you don’t succeed, order extra cheese to console yourself.

You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, or an artery if you’re using too much butter.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew, especially if the cake slice is bigger than your head.

Kill two birds with one stone, or just release them into the wild and let them live their best bird lives.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you limes, find some tequila and make margaritas.