Humorous Quotes About Divorce

Marriage is grand. Divorce is two hundred grand.

Getting a divorce is like getting rid of a bad cold – it’s a relief!

Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops. Divorce is the clearance sale.

Marriage is finding that one person who annoys you the most. Divorce is finding that freedom.

Divorce is like a Facebook relationship status change from ‘married’ to ‘it’s complicated’.

Divorce is not a tragedy. It’s a fresh start, a new beginning.

Marriage: Betting someone half your stuff that you’ll love them forever. Divorce: Realizing you were a terrible gambler.

Divorce: the only time it’s acceptable to start a new life with a new lawyer.

Divorce: because happily ever after sometimes requires a change in script.

Marriage is finding someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Divorce is when you finally succeed.

Divorce is like a twisted game of Musical Chairs. Except at the end, both players lose.

Divorce is like going from ‘Oh, Honey’ to ‘Oh, Hell No!’

Divorce: the only war where you sleep with the enemy.

Divorce is the ‘Ctrl+Z’ of life.

Divorce: the process of removing the ‘ball’ and chain.

Marriage is about finding the person who completes you. Divorce is about finding the person who didn’t.

Divorce is like hitting the reset button on life.

Divorce: the reason some walls have cracks.

Divorce is finding that special someone you want to gift all your furniture to.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband. Divorce is when the husband finally agrees.

Divorce is the art of consciously uncoupling your stuff from their stuff.

Divorce: the only time ‘I do’ becomes ‘I don’t’.

Divorce: the ultimate form of declaration of independence.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Divorce is the triumph of reality over fantasy.

Divorce is the only time ‘divide and conquer’ applies to marriage.

Divorce is nature’s way of telling you that you have chosen the wrong player for the game of life.

Divorce is like a new day – full of possibilities and potential alimonies.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man-child. Divorce is when you finally realize he can’t be trained.

Divorce is getting back to the peaceful days of eating a whole bag of chips without sharing.

Divorce is like peeling off a sticker – it starts off frustrating but becomes strangely satisfying.

Marriage is the beginning of an endless disconnection. Divorce is the end of it.

Divorce is the art of losing half your stuff and gaining a whole new wardrobe.

Divorce: the only time you’ll ever see two adults fighting over custody of a blender.

Marriage is the ultimate team sport. Divorce is when the team goes bankrupt.

Divorce is the quickest way to become the world champion of your own happiness.

Divorce is like trying to hang a picture frame using a wrecking ball.

Divorce is the adult version of quitting a never-ending board game.

Marriage is a rollercoaster ride. Divorce is jumping off the ride and finding a better amusement park.

Divorce is like unclogging a toilet – messy but necessary for your sanity.

Divorce is like a storm – it may be messy, but it washes away the old and makes room for new beginnings.

Divorce is like finding the best parking spot at the busiest mall – it may take a while, but it’s worth the wait.

Marriage is like a crossword puzzle – sometimes you get stuck. Divorce is like a Sudoku puzzle – you start fresh with a different set of numbers.

Divorce is like popping a bubble wrap – the pop is satisfying, and you get to start over with a whole new sheet.

Divorce is like spring cleaning – it may be a bit messy, but once it’s done, the house feels refreshed and lighter.

Marriage is like a never-ending game of chess. Divorce is the moment when someone finally yells ‘checkmate’!

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