Homer Simpson Quotes

Doh!

Why would I want to leave America to visit another country? I’m an American, that’s like playing for the Yankees!

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

Mmm… donuts.

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Trying is the first step towards failure.

If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.

I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?

I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause my body to swell up and die!

Lisa, if I had learned anything from The Sims, it’s that you put the fridge in the corner.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we’ll go inside and watch TV.

I can’t even say the word ‘titmouse’ without giggling like a schoolgirl.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of all people know that.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Nobody likes Milhouse!

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

Trying is the first step toward failure.

I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?

I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!

Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.

That’s it! I can’t live in a house with this prehistoric garbage. I’m going to Lard Lad Donuts, where the food’s the way I like it: unhealthy!

Hey, I’m not a nerd! Nerds are smart!

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

Why do I need a gun? I already have a dog with a gun!

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!

It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

It’s like David and Goliath, only this time, David won!

Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk!

Marge, I’m going to miss you so much. And it’s not just the sex. It’s also the food preparation.

I’m sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we’re the worst family in town.

Who in their right mind would keep an ocelot in an apartment?

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.