I told my Wi-Fi we were breaking up, it’s silent treatment now.
Procrastinators unite… tomorrow.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
If you think I’m cute now, wait till I’m caffeinated.
I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.
I need six months of vacation, twice a year.
I’m just here to avoid friends on Facebook.
Running late is my cardio.
Chocolate is my favorite food group.
Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed.
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right!
I can’t adult today, please don’t make me.
I’m silently correcting your grammar.
Funny how I’m not even tired until I go to bed.
I’m like a slinky; I’m useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Adulting is soup, and I am a fork.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch!
Be the kind of person your dog thinks you are.
Running late is my superpower.
Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying me.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
I need a six-month vacation in a month.
Coffee: because adulting is hard.
Always classy, never trashy, and a little bit sassy.
I don’t need therapy; I just need my cat.
When nothing goes right, go have a snack.
Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.
Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but I love you now.
I can’t keep calm; I have too much energy.
You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a taco.
If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your face.
My favorite party trick is getting out of parties.
Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet: no one really knows how.
Oops! My bad. I fell asleep in the meeting again.
I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastinate.
I’m not lazy; I’m just on energy-saving mode.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
Running on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.
Sometimes you just need to hit the snooze button on life.
Be a cupcake in a world of muffins!
Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
The only thing I throwback on Thursdays is my snack.
I woke up like this, but my coffee needs to wake up too.
When in doubt, add more glitter.
Not all who wander are lost; some are just looking for snacks.
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