Hilarious Harry Potter Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

I solemnly swear I’m up to no good… and also really hungry.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road? Because you’ll never guess his next move!

I’m not saying I’m a wizard, but I can make my snacks disappear.

Expecto Patronum! Oh wait, that’s just my coffee kicking in.

He’s as useful as a Muggle without a smartphone.

I asked the Sorting Hat if I could join the ‘Couch-and-Snack’ house.

My broomstick has better Wi-Fi than my house.

Love is like a Horcrux: it makes you a little crazy and impossible to destroy.

If Dobby had my wardrobe, he’d be a fashion icon.

I’d trade my Nimbus 2000 for a slice of cake any day.

Draco may be a Slytherin, but he’s got a heart of… well, something questionable.

Ravenclaws are just Slytherins who forgot their evil plans.

I wish I had a Time-Turner to get back all the sleep I lost reading Potter.

My Patronus is a slice of pizza: comforting and always there when I need it.

Why do wizards make terrible burn victims? Because they always say ‘It’s just a flesh wound!’

If only we could Apparate to the weekend.

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans-bringing chaos to my taste buds since 1997.

Hufflepuffs are just misunderstood snack enthusiasts.

If Hogwarts offered a course in napping, I’d be headmaster.

I’d join the Quidditch team if it involved less running and more snacks.

Hilarious Harry Potter Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud part 2

Why did Voldemort like golf? Because he had a thing for dark holes.

I tried to summon my homework… but ended up with pizza instead.

Every time I finish a Harry Potter book, I feel like I’ve just defeated Voldemort… until the next book.

The only ‘Horcrux’ I need is my Netflix password.

If Hermione can fix my hair, she can do anything!

Being sorted is just Tinder for wizards.

Snape could give lessons on how to be moodier than an angsty teen.

I tried to make Felix Felicis, but all I got was a sticky mess.

What do you call a wizard who’s always late? A ‘missed-the-boat-sorcerer’!

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times… especially if there’s ice cream involved.

My magic word is ‘please,’ followed by ‘pizza.’

I don’t always talk to ghosts, but when I do, I prefer them to be friendly.

Why did Harry Potter bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house.

Ginny must have had a secret stash of snacks; how else could she keep up with Harry?

Even my Wand’s got a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.

When in doubt, just throw chocolate at it. It works for everything in life!

Dueling is just a fancy term for ‘who can throw an insult better.’

If you can dodge a Bludger, you can dodge a conversation with your ex.

Siriusly, why aren’t there more magical coffee shops?

I’d be a proud Gryffindor if I could just muster the courage to order coffee.

Do you need a spell to fix your hair? Just ask Hermione!

Voldemort might have been powerful, but he never had a cat to cuddle.

I’m pretty sure my Patronus is just a cat in a wizard hat.

The Hogwarts library is my version of Disneyland.

Forget magic wands; I just need a good Wi-Fi signal!

Life’s too short; let’s throw a Quidditch party instead of a boring meeting.

Why did the broomstick fail its driving test? It couldn’t stop flying off the handle.

I don’t need a wizard’s robe; I’ve got my pajamas!

If sorting was based on snack preferences, I’d definitely be a Hufflepuff.

Muggle problems? Just add a little magic… or more snacks!