Hilarious Goofy Quotes to Brighten Your Day

Why do we bake cookies, but cook bacon?

I tried to lose weight, but it keeps finding me!

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

I told my computer I needed a break, and it froze!

If we aren’t supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?

I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.

If you can’t find me, I’m probably lost in a daydream!

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s still on the ground.

Life is short; smile while you still have teeth!

My bed is a magical place; I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do!

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote!

I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Running late is my cardio.

I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong!

I’m on a whiskey diet-I’ve lost three days already!

I’ve got plenty of ideas, but my brain doesn’t pay rent!

If we’re not supposed to eat midnight snacks, why is there even a light in the fridge?

Never trust an atom; they make up everything!

I’m not weird; I’m just limited edition!

I thought about becoming a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.

I’m a multitasker- I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time!

Sushi is just raw fish, but my feelings still aren’t ‘a sushi’ able!

Hilarious Goofy Quotes to Brighten Your Day part 2

I’m on a whiskey diet-I’ve lost three days already!

I’m not short; I’m fun size!

The only thing I throw back on a Friday is a cocktail.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!

I would make a joke about pizza, but it’s too cheesy.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once!

I have a personality that has a tendency to make people laugh-or run away!

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Don’t worry, even donuts have holes!

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments!

Some days I amaze myself; other days I put my keys in the fridge.

A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand!

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.

I finally realized that the last line of my autobiography should be: ‘But wait, there’s more!’

Life is like a camera; focus on what’s important and capture the good times!

I laugh in the face of danger; then I hide until it goes away!

I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me!

I’m so glad we had this time together; just to have a laugh or sing a song!

If you’re feeling down, just remember that you’re the only version of yourself out there!

My phone battery lasts longer than my relationships!

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic!

I would make a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.

I don’t need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning!

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

Always remember, you are unique-just like everyone else!