Happy Gilmore Quotes

Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy. Tap tap taparoo.

The price is wrong, bitch!

I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the worst. You’re very good-looking. I’m not attractive.

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!

Stay out of my way or you’ll pay. Listen to what I say.

Hey, my girlfriend’s dead, you know. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

Tappy. Tappy. Tappy tappy tappy. Tap tap taparoo.

Yeah, well, you know, that’s just like, uh, your opinion, man.

From now on, your monkey name is Mr. Squeaky.

You know what else I got? I got two of these.

You’re gonna die, clown!

I don’t wanna be known as the guy who gets beat up by a transvestite.

I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I’m not stupid. That’s why I threw the ball back.

You’re on the road to being a real moron.

Grizzly Adams did have a beard.

You hit that guy in the head with a Volkswagen… that’s funny.

You’ll be in the parking lot, thinking about me and laughing because you won and I’m not there.

Just stay out of my way, or you’ll pay! Listen to what I say!

I’m not afraid to sit on a man’s face.

I take off my hat to you. A quality mortician.

You know what my girlfriend and I used to do when we broke up? We used to get back together.

Happy Gilmore Quotes part 2

I’ll make it golf!

I couldn’t help but notice that your swing is totally messed up. You look like an octopus falling out of a tree.

You know, I gotta hand it to you, you sure have a way with people.

It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips.

Just ease tension in the hips, real easy. Just let it happen.

I’d like to punch that guy in the face right now!

It’s like I’m staring at my own reflection. Like seeing an older, much less attractive version of myself.

I’ll make you a bet. If you get this in the hole, I’ll give you double what you paid for it. If it doesn’t, you have to run up and down that freeway there getting scared about getting killed.

You know, that’s trouble, someone’s gunna have to go back and get a shit-load of dimes.

I am having a hard time concentrating with that camel parked out front. That’s right, I called you a camel.

Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were going to have a little conversation. My mistake. 1-7, 1-8, to loop the loop. And look who’s calling who a grown up.

Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… Lady, I’m not a wrestler, I’m a golfer.

You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don’t you just go home? That is your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass ball!

The price is wrong, bitch!

I was much happier when I thought he was dead.

You know what’s good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.

I didn’t know she was a grandma, I thought she was just an old bitch.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wake up and thank somebody I haven’t been eaten by a T-Rex.

What else could go wrong? I don’t know, how about a meteor?

Come on, you pansy!

You know what else I do besides play golf? I play lots of other sports. Like hockey, and dodgeball, and hockey.

I can’t play golf. I can’t make par. I can’t even make pancakes.

You’re gonna die, clown!