George Costanza Quotes

Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.

I’m not insulted, I’m livid!

I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. I got it all!

I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.

If you can’t say something bad about a relationship you shouldn’t say anything at all.

I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.

It’s not a lie if you don’t know the truth.

Jerry, I’m disturbed. I’m depressed. I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!

I’m not an artist. I’m a latte.

I get frustrated. I get upset. I get irritated. I get mad… I don’t get dates!

I love my parents, but I wouldn’t want to be one.

Serenity now, insanity later.

I would say I’m sorry if I thought you had any idea of what a good-hearted, sensitive, wonderful person I am beneath this arrogant facade.

I can’t stand people who follow trends for no reason.

I’m very comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I can’t help myself. It’s like an addiction. I need insults to survive.

Why did it all turn out this way for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but … I was perceptive. I always know when someone was uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong.

George Costanza Quotes part 2

I’m like a drug dealer. I got the hook-up on people’s problems.

I’m like the bizarro Superman. Instead of doing good deeds and saving lives, I do bad deeds and ruin lives.

I have no willpower. I’ve never had any willpower. I once took a nap while eating a sandwich.

Whenever I plan, disaster strikes. It’s best if I just go with the flow.

What’s the point of doing something if you’re not going to do it right?

I’m not cheap, I’m frugal. There’s a difference!

I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.

I prefer to let karma handle people who annoy me.

Life is too short to be responsible all the time. Let’s go get some ice cream.

I don’t have time to wait for the right opportunity. I have to seize every opportunity and hope for the best.

I’m a master of finding loopholes and getting away with things.

I’m not sure if I love myself, but I definitely tolerate myself.

I refuse to conform to society’s expectations. I am who I am, flaws and all.

If I had a dollar for every mistake I’ve made, I’d be broke.

I don’t need therapy. I just need a new personality.

I may be petty, but I’m also persistent.

Why be normal when you can be extraordinary…ly strange?

I’m like a butterfly. I go from job to job, never staying in one place for too long.

I may not be successful, but at least I’m interesting.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get…unless you’re me, then you know you’re gonna get the weird one.

I live my life on my terms, even if they’re the wrong terms.

I’m not unlucky, I’m just incredibly fortunate at attracting weird situations.

I’m the master of making something out of nothing. It’s my superpower.

I don’t believe in luck, I believe in karma. And karma has not been kind to me.

I have a love-hate relationship with myself. Some days I’m great, other days I wish I could swap bodies with someone else.

I may not have it all figured out, but at least I can laugh at myself while I figure it out.

I may not be the best person, but I’m definitely the most interesting.