Funny Sports Quotes

I don’t bother with jogging. If I want to go somewhere, I’ll drive.

A bad day in sports is still better than a good day at work.

I’m not a quitter, but I am an excellent sitter.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

I tried to be a sports car, but I couldn’t handle the curves.

I used to play sports, then I realized you can buy trophies.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

I’m in shape. Round is a shape, right?

I don’t always exercise, but when I do, I do it quickly.

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

Running late? That’s my cardio for the day.

I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

You miss 100% of the pints you don’t drink.

The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.

I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I may be slow, but I’m ahead of everyone who is still on the couch.

I don’t always lift weights, but when I do, I make sure they’re chocolate.

I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding, I drink wine in my yoga pants.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m pretty good at dodgeball.

I sprint like I stole something, even though I didn’t.

Sports keep me in shape, especially the ones where I have to eat the most nachos.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

My doctor advised me to get some exercise, so I fell out of bed a few times.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to win the award for most falls in a day.

I used to play tennis, but then I realized it was just a racket.

The only race I’m winning is the race to the buffet table.

I’m so good at sports that I make being bad look good.

I’m not an athlete, but I can still run from my problems.

Excuse me while I take a break from doing nothing.

I would play more sports, but I’m allergic to exercise.

My favorite sport is sleeping, and I’m the reigning champion.

Forget about the gym, I get my cardio in the form of a good laugh.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I have my cat who watches me exercise.

I may not be the fastest runner, but I’m definitely faster than the person on the couch.

I can’t run a 5K, but I can run to the kitchen when someone mentions pizza.

Sports are great exercise, especially when you’re the one sitting on the sidelines.

I don’t always do sports, but when I do, it’s usually on the Wii.

I’m an expert in sports statistics. I can tell you all about the best snacks to eat while watching.

I could join a sports team, but I prefer the team of snacks in my pantry.

I’m so good at sports that I once won a gold medal in couch surfing.

My idea of a marathon is watching an entire season of a TV show in one sitting.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, it’s usually in video game form.

I’m not a quitter, but I do excel at quitting sooner rather than later.

My approach to sports is to have an open mind and an empty stomach.