Funny quotes from tv shows

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – The Office

I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? – Friends

I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you. – The Big Bang Theory

I am not an animal. I am a human being. You may think you’re the one to say that, but it is me who is saying it. – The IT Crowd

If there were no trouble in the world, what would we complain about? – How I Met Your Mother

If you don’t like me, you’re legally required to like at least one of the three. – The Good Place

I strive for perfection, but I’m willing to settle for excellence. – Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don’t need a therapist, I have a television. – Scrubs

The only time I set the bar low is for limbo. – Modern Family

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode. – The Simpsons

I don’t exercise. If God had wanted us to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. – Family Guy

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. – The Most Interesting Man in the World

I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV. – House

I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room. – How I Met Your Mother

Funny quotes from tv shows part 2

I’m not an actor, I just portray one in commercials. – The Office

I may be a model, but I’m not an airhead. I have my pilot’s license. – Friends

I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested. – The Big Bang Theory

I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity. – Scrubs

I may be broke, but at least I’m eco-friendly. I recycle my own jokes. – Parks and Recreation

I don’t need a personal trainer, I have a remote control. – Modern Family

If you can’t be a good example, be a warning. – The Good Place

I don’t do drugs. I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. – House

I’m not a meteorologist, but I play one in my fantasy football league. – Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don’t do mornings. Unless they involve coffee. – The IT Crowd

I don’t do cardio. My heart races for food. – The Simpsons

I’m not a chef, but I play one on Instagram. – Friends

I don’t need a personal trainer, I have a pet who chases me around the house. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not a hair model. I just have naturally fabulous hair. – How I Met Your Mother

I don’t need to be rich, I just need someone to pay off all my debts. – Scrubs

I’m not a comedian, I just have impeccable timing. – The Office

I don’t do diets. I have a fast metabolism and a slow commitment. – Modern Family

I don’t play video games. I just have a really active imagination. – Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I’m not an actress, I just pretend to be one at social events. – The Good Place

I don’t need a therapist, I have a couch and a TV remote. – How I Met Your Mother

I’m not an athlete, but I did take a yoga class once. – The IT Crowd

I don’t need a personal trainer, I have a six-pack of beer waiting at home. – The Simpsons

I’m not a chef, but I can make a mean cereal bowl. – Friends

I don’t do meditation. I just sit and think about tacos. – Parks and Recreation

I’m not a model, but I can strike a pose like no one’s business. – Scrubs

I don’t do stunts. I just trip over my own feet. – The Office

I’m not a writer, but I do write passive-aggressive notes to my neighbors. – Modern Family

I don’t do puzzles. I just put pieces together until it looks right. – Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I’m not a musician, but I can play the air guitar like a pro. – The Good Place

I don’t need a therapist, I have a dog who listens to all my problems. – How I Met Your Mother